


the taste of your kiss soaked in wine

by Findtheroot



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Explicit Language, F/F, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2018-11-12 05:00:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Findtheroot/pseuds/Findtheroot
Summary: “The taste of your kiss soaked in wine, the touch of your hands, the scent on your pillow and the sound of your heart beating with mine are what I held. I remember every little thing, Alex,” Kara said straining to get it out.My first fic, so be constructive and gentle.This is a Kalex fic so turn back if you don't agree.Major character death, some violence, and rating will increase with later chapters.You've been warned.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is all Kalex so move to the next one if you don't agree with this. 
> 
> I'm sorry ahead of time.
> 
> All errors are mine and I own none of the characters.

CHAPTER 1

Her face is crunched hard into the crumbling blacktop with a size 11 boot pressing dangerously close to her left eye that’s rapidly swelling from a blackening hit moments earlier. A deep breath through her glistening lips brings the metallic taste of blood from a busted lip as she steadies herself for retaliation. Forcing her left eye open, she sees a broken outdoor fireplace across the parking lot of this dive bar where a couple of onlookers stand at a fire jeering the drunk man for fighting with a woman.

The stranger thinks he’s won this encounter. He steps back, releasing her face. Adrenaline surges and Alex Danvers jumps to her feet. Pieces of blacktop neatly tucked in her bruised cheek, but the stinging flesh doesn’t register. Two quick hits and the man drops to his knees. A broken nose and missing tooth will be his fate from this brawl. She spits out some blood from her busted lip next to the hands he’s holding himself up on, and walks away. 

The last of her cocaine high stings her veins as she shakes out her arm that was twisted to the verge of breaking in that tender spot it was snapped nine years ago to the day by someone she still loves. A taped picture of them smiling seven years ago always rests in her black op vest that crosses over her heart nowadays next to a hard pack of cigarettes. An extra Glock rides below her armpit in that vest. Protection. 

Dusting off the damp night air, she climbs on her bike and starts to drive, wind drying the blood in the creases around her mouth. Shifting gears to stop, she pauses in the merge lane. Take the highway or off-ramp to her dusty studio apartment? 

Alex Danvers thinks of the photo in her vest, but her fingers don’t reach for it. Her heart pulsates an extra beat for that time before she lived out of a suitcase in a bare room where only toiletries, a change of clothes dwell. It’s where she’s spent many recent nights of regret and tolerated her careless drug-fueled lust on those stain the sheets. 

Alex Danvers was never a coward. But for the last five years, she’s lived as one, secretly in her heart. 

It was an impulse decision then and now. She turns the bike to the highway and tops out at 72 mph. It’s now or never. 

She drives 21 hours, 1,073 miles before the stinging in her eyes nearly blinds her. Her body aches for rest. The bandage to her right side has seeped blood from the patched-up gunshot wound, and the 7-inch slash to her thigh that nearly drained all the blood from her body feels raw and open again, so she stops at a worn roadside motel, pays the $42 for the night that will dawn in six hours and collapses. 

Surprisingly she wakes 14 hours later. 

Throwing one leg to the floor while the other obediently follows, her stomach wretches what left of day old coffee and liquor she had consumed. Her regret and panic take hold along with a 9-pound hammer on her head forcing her body to scream for one more line to calm the withdrawals. 

Stumbling back to the bed, she turns on her cell phone and stares at the notifications: 20 missed calls, nine text messages. She dials one number and waits. Voices swirling on the other end, desperate for an update and her location. 

"Alpha One, end of watch," she says registering that her voice sounds like someone else. She smashes the phone on the stained nightstand, breaking glass shatters the silence. 

She sleeps for another two hours before waking to shower and going out to find fresh bandages and food at a nearby dusty diner. 

Her tabs settled, Alex climbs back on her bike even though her arms protest to rest more and she’s back on the road. 

It"s another 21 hours before she will be back to the only place, well actually the only person who has ever been home to her. Intuitively, her heart remembers that face, but her head thinks it’s been forever since she’s seen her alien. 

The numbing of the interstate ride lets her mind drift to their last encounter: 

Two months after she had buried a piece of herself in the flag-covered coffin, Kara was banging at her apartment door with food in hand. Alex had not changed clothes or showered in three days. 

Maggie Sawyer was dead. 

Her bride-to-be killed by a stray bullet at a domestic violence hostage situation involving a Roltikkon. 

Ironically, the other victim was Darla, also killed that night with Maggie. The two briefly dated before Alex became Maggie’s world. 

"You haven’t returned any of my texts or calls today. Alex, you know you can’t do that. We’ve talked about this,&rdquo" Kara said dropping the bags of food on the counter. 

Alex places her arms around her chest, looks to the ground and mumbles, "Sorry."

The grief comes in spurts for Alex. 

For days, she’s able to return to routine, normalcy and fall into her research, responsibility to protect Supergirl and duties of being second-in-command at the DEO. But triggers like the scent of Maggie’s hair, gut punch her from all reality. 

A hot July 4th weekend found them here. Alex far from her new reality and Kara begging for a sliver of her to return. When Alex was broken, so was Kara. This new existence didn’t suit either of them because Alex was always the strong one. She set the tone. 

Takeout and wine consumed solemnly, they rested comfortably holding each on the couch. Kara stroked Alex’s hair as she rested her head against the alien’s chest, listening to the one heartbeat she clung to for life now. 

A romantic comedy streamed on the television in the background and the onscreen couple kissed, finally together. Kara’s heart pounded rhythmically stronger for seven beats at the revelation and Alex noticed. 

"Why do you stay here with me when you should be out enjoying life?" Alex asked, almost rhetorically. 

You are my life, Kara whispered, nails turning to Alex’s scalpel for pressure, reassurance. 

They’ve played this dance several times since Maggie’s death. Kara knows the steps well. Alex always forgets. 

However, this time Alex raises herself off Kara’s chest. Hazel eyes meet blue and in a moment, they’re like a window into her soul. Needy and all-consuming. 

Alex leans in and ghosts her lips to Kara’s. Tentative at first. Testing. 

Kara’s eye instinctively close and her body responds like she’s imagined in the millions of fantasies of this moment since Alex came out to her a year ago. Even before that when they were “sisters” in Midvale and Alex was her teacher, protector, home, but she never dared to go so far with the images like she has done recently. 

Fingers gently caress her cheeks, and Kara doesn’t move afraid of spooking Alex as if she’s a skittish animal. 

Alex deepens the kiss, Kara consents. She always will to anything Alex is willing to give. 

Unconsciously, Alex moves to straddle Kara, placing both hands on each side of Kara’s face as if she has to hold her in place. Kara’s hands rest on Alex’s thighs. She waits a beat. Alex’s tongue explores Kara’s mouth. 

Breath becomes a necessity and Alex pulls from their kiss, but remains centimeters from Kara’s mouth. 

A deep breath in, a beat of her heart and she resumes her ministrations to Kara’s lips. 

So Kara slides her hands to Alex’s sides, under the thin, worn T-shirt. Alex’s flesh burns Kara’s fingers in a delightful way she could have never imagined. Hands slide on skin and Alex registers the touch. She pulls away from Kara’s lips, grabs at the hem of the shirt and tosses it to the floor. 

Hunger building, Alex now attacks Kara’s lips like someone dying of thirst at a water source. 

No hero is in the sky at this moment, it’s just Alex and Kara. The way they’ve always been. Together. Unending. Simple. 

Hours later, Kara holds Alex in Alex’s bed. Sweaty. Spent. Loved. And for a moment, Alex allows herself the adoration she’s kept buried since she was 14. 

The pain of lost love and death does not consume in her brain here. Kara is there, filling every space like she used to before. 

Alex drifts off to her first restful sleep in 1,560 hours. 

Three hours later, Alex wakes with a startle. Alone. Naked. The sheets next to her are cold. Panic and regret take hold of her senses when she remembers the hours’ events of recent. She jumps out of bed. Showers, dresses quickly as if she’s going to war and decides this is the moment she’s debated for the last few weeks. She throws a bag on the bed, fills it with a change of clothes, three photos from the dresser, her backup side arms, extra ammo and grabs her phone with her keys. Backpack secure, she strides across the apartment and out the door. 

In the elevator, she calls the man who became her surrogate father and tells him she wants her Plan B. He had disagreed when she told him about it 12 days ago, but respecting her wishes now he agrees. Their call disconnects and he begins to rewrite her life to a base that’s 2,700 miles away. 

As Alex speeds off on her bike, a flash briefly lights up the sky the only way Supergirl can when she’s defeated a monster on earth. Kara’s heart is full and she’s excited to return home, praying she will find the one person she can love for eternity exactly the way she left before this skirmish.


	2. Alex Danvers is back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter. I'm not sure how many there will be because the story is writing itself to some degree. As always, all mistakes are mine and I'm sorry for those. Thank you for reading.

Alex stops her bike at the edge of National City to take in the landscape before she descends into its chaos of her old life. 

Pristinely sober, Alex laughs at herself and thinks of turning back to run somewhere else, anywhere but where she’s headed. 

But it’s time. The redness of her eyes and thunder of her heart pushes her to now or never. Gravel flies into the wind as she drives on deeper into the coming heartbreak. 

A burner phone in hand, Alex dials one of the two numbers she’s kept close to her during the last five years. Three rings later, he answers and sighs when she doesn’t speak at first. "“Alex?"” J’onn J’onzz says instinctively knowing it was her. 

Sighing, Alex responds, "“Yes."” 

J’onn gives her the address of a safe house, kept just for this moment. Both headed to there within minutes. 

Alex arrives first and she waits on the small brick stoop. A little older. A dozen or so more scars litter her body, including the two injuries that nearly killed her days ago – it was the closest to death she’s come since leaving this city. A few gray hairs sprouted among the shorter dirty blonde locks at her temples. But she’s the same. 

J’onn recognizes her as such. Curious, he can’t stop himself from listening in to her thoughts. Petrified. She on the verge of running, but for his heavy reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

"“She will understand, Alex,"” J’onn says. "“Trust me. We all do. We still love you."” 

He brushes by her, opens the door and she follows him inside the apartment building. All her old belongings unpacked and waiting at this new address as if she never ran away five years ago. She’s shocked at his care to place mementos on the shelves and at their dust free upkeep. 

He hands her the keys and an envelope. 

"“Take your time. It’s good you are here now,"” J’onn says and retreats out the door. 

Stunned, Alex takes several calming breaths, just as he taught her all those years ago. But still, her hands are shaking when she opens the envelope to find her original DEO credentials, cash and identification inside. It returns her to the life of Alex Danvers. 

She drops them on the kitchen island and begins to disrobe ready for a shower. Her hands pause over the tiny blue box – a heartbeat emitter – tucked into her black op vest that she’s kept close for the last 1,874 days. 

“"It’s time,"” she huffs. 

Ripping the vest from her chest and dropping it on the counter. She fishes the box out of its protective pouch and turns it off. She takes her longest shower in years. No thoughts of disguises or alternative identities. Alex Danvers is home and soon everyone will know.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Alex is back, and what does that mean for everyone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, all mistakes are mine and I apologize now for those. I appreciate your feedback.

It’s 7:04 p.m. on a Thursday night and Kara is cooking a pan of stir fry for dinner inside her apartment when the sound hits her like a hammer. She drops the pan to the stove, turns and flashes to her balcony. 

Alex’s heartbeat is in National City. 

Terrified she closes her eyes. Self-doubting. Triple checking herself. 

Alex’s heartbeat is in National City. 

Kara flies from the balcony toward the source. Hovering above the roof of the apartment building, the sound is deafening. Alex’s heartbeat is in the top floor apartment under her feet, Kara blinks astounded at the realization. Alex is here. 

Panic fills her brain and Kara just floats there. She hears the shower turn off. She hears Alex wrap a towel around herself. Teeth being brushed. Drawers opened, closed. The rustle of clothing. A refrigerator door being opened. A glass bottle is placed on the countertop. 

Alex is in National City. 

Kara flies off faster than a bullet and the sound, ever so slight, reverbs off the brick buildings. 

But Alex heard. She stops her explorations of her new home and listens. It’s a telltale sign Supergirl has left. She was there. Just outside. 

Holding her breath, Alex listens again for any sign that Kara’s returned. 

Alex goes back to the counter, opens the bottle of beer. It may not be her drug of choice these days, but it will have to do – for tonight anyway. 

Kara’s miles away on a cliff, dialing the only number she repeatedly calls these days for guidance and assurance. 

Lucy Lane picks up on the second ring. 

“"Alex is here,"” Kara says breathlessly as if she's just running a marathon. 

“"Come here now,"” Lucy says as an order. It’s not up for debate. 

She was the one to pick up the pieces of Kara after Alex’s departure. She was the one to nurse the broken-hearted alien to the being she is today. And Lucy Lane will not allow Alex Danvers to just waltz back into Kara’s life without a fight and reckoning. 

The unlikely pair became close after Lucy was assigned as Supergirl’s handler the morning after Alex’s escape. She found Kara distraught and broken on the bedroom floor of Alex’s apartment. 

“"I screwed everything up and now she’s gone,"” Kara cried into Lucy’s shoulder that day. “"She was so fragile and I took advantage of her. I only wanted to ease her pain. I wanted to love her, finally."” 

But Lucy knew. She knew the foster sisters had danced around each other for years. She had witnessed their rituals of obliviousness is bliss. That was until Maggie Sawyer. 

Kara took her leave from the forefront of Alex’s love and accepted she would never have the one thing she had long for since being 13 and dropped at the Danvers home without anywhere else in the universe to go. 

After Maggie’s death, Lucy and Kara took turns looking after Alex. 

Lucy knew they would find each other again and she hoped this time it was completely. She never expected it so quickly. She knew Alex would run, but she never expected the elder Danvers to entirely disappear. 

Lucy herself spent days searching for Alex afterward. It wasn’t until J’onn pulled her into his office and said that Alex was safe and her life to be left alone. Lucy was devastated not only for Kara but herself. She didn’t know how the woman would survive the disconnect when her heart was shattered. But maybe that was it. A fresh start and new beginning, Lucy told herself and eventually Kara during their nightly emotional dumps where Kara collapsed until Lucy rebuilt her. 

Now, Lucy gave it to Alex Danvers that she had balls to return to National City. She held a sobbing Kara who repeated “"Why, why, why?"” trying to grasp the reason Alex returned now. 

“"Where is she? Did you see her?"” Lucy asked in between Kara’s shaky sobs. 

“"Her heartbeat came out of nowhere like she rose from the dead,"” Kara’s said in a voice like a child who has been scolded and was forced to apologize. “"I didn’t believe it at first. Then, I flew to it and I could hear her showering, dressing in this apartment."” 

“"Where?"” Lucy asks. She’s angry and needs that location. 

“"16th West and Mill Street,"” Kara says without blinking or seeing anything around her. 

Lucy pulls Kara’s head up. 

“"This doesn’t have to change you. You will keep your head up. You are strong enough. You can’t let go and run to her as if any of what happened between you was your fault,"” Lucy said gently to the alien. “"This is all on her. She ran. She let go. She stopped trying, stopped fighting."” 

“"But,"” Kara says. 

“"You don’t know what she’s done, where she’s been or why she’s even here. She gave up on the both of you,"” Lucy barks a little too stern. “"She’s taken more than you had to give and YOU have to protect yourself now."” 

“"The Kara Danvers that Alex knew is not this Kara Danvers,"” Lucy said brushing Kara’s cheek with her right hand. “"You’ve carved out your life after Alex Danvers and you will not give it up to start over to rewrite an ending for a woman who was reckless, hurtful and used you."” 

Lucy held Kara until exhaustion from sobbing overtook the blonde. During that time, Lucy planned her mission against Alex Danvers. 

The desire to start today with a vanishing act was the first thought Alex had when she woke in her old bed inside a strange apartment. 

But with a determination she hadn’t felt in years, Alex Danvers got up and got dressed. She bandaged gunshot wound like a protective armor and the leg wound like it would shield her from any emotion thrown at her. She would change her life, one way or another today. 

She arrived before dawn at the entrance to the DEO. Not much had changed at this base in the city, unlike the ones she had been obligated to in New York and D.C. for the last five years as someone else. Someone that even Alex Danvers didn’t know, but she played along with. 

Placing her hand on the scanner at the door, she took a breath and rallied as it clicked green: Alex Danvers was back. 

An alert beeped on a cellphone resting on a nightstand 20 blocks away from the DEO entrance doors. Susan Vasquez sleepily rolled over to look at the screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to give you regular updates, but for the next week, I'll be at a work training that's on the west coast so please be understanding if you don't get another update for at least a week. I may try to sneak another chapter to you before I leave on Monday.  
> Thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's find out what happens when Alex Danvers goes back to the DEO.

In mere minutes, Agent Vasquez was dressed and out the door. It was her day off, but she had to get to the DEO to find out if Alex Danvers was really walking those hallways. 

She dialed Winn knowing he was working the early morning shift finishing a prototype for a new weapon. 

Winn squealed at Vasquez’s phone call and then promptly stood up and started pacing around the control center where he had parked for a morning chat with Vasquez’s newly appointed nighttime counterpart. 

”So we were on this island when the waiter brought over the rum and” but Winn couldn’t finish the sentence as his eyes landed on a blonde-haired Alex Danvers marching toward her old office and confidently nodding at each person she passed. 

”Alex?” Winn said with trepidation. 

”Winn!” Alex said and looked around the room. “This place hasn’t changed much.” 

Gathering his senses, Winn replied, “No, but you have. I like the new look. It makes you look even more like a bad ass.” He said motioning to the hair and paused as she smiled at him. “Why are you here?” Winn said with a stern look overtaking his normally soft features. 

“I am here to work. I finished my mission and now I’m back,” Alex said without blinking and promptly turned and disappeared down the hallway toward her old office and lab. Winn’s mouth fell open and after he regained his composure, he texted the one person who needed to hear that Alex Danvers was back. 

Lucy Lane’s phone dinged with a message from Winn and she knew that Alex had likely returned to the DEO. Kara had been sleeping peacefully, exhausted from the crying and a bit of alien spirits that Lucy had taken to keeping in her kitchen after Alex’s departure. Lucy knew there were days Kara needed a drink just like all the other humans who were heartbroken and rebuilding their lives after love loss. 

Lucy nudged Kara to the middle of the bed and readjusted her morning plans. Instead of confronting Alex at some new apartment she was now headed to the DEO to rip the elder Danvers a new one. 

She glanced down at the sleeping blonde and woke her. 

Since Alex’s exodus, Kara would have a meltdown if she woke up alone after going to sleep with Lucy holding her protectively. One early morning Kara had lost herself in to the trauma after a terrible night of missing Alex and not understanding why the woman would just disappear from their lives, it took three days before Kara could leave her apartment again without sobbing. And Lucy had just run to Noonan’s for some sticky buns to surprise the alien, but Kara woke up too soon, alone, and frightened. 

”Kara. Kara.” Lucy said softly and nudged her for good measure. Deep blue eyes opened with traces of red from her night spent crying and for a moment Kara’s features were innocent and welcoming, but then darkened emotions washed over her as realization dawned that she didn’t dream again that Alex had come back to her. 

”I have to go into work now, but you should go back to sleep for a couple hours,” Lucy said. 

”What’s wrong? Do I need to go?” Kara said more alert and panicked that there was an emergency for Supergirl. She was already raising herself up to change into her suit. 

”No. No. It’s something R&D wanted to show me before the building is full of agents. You don’t need to worry yourself about it,” Lucy lied and pushed Kara back to the bed. “You need to rest and relax today. I’ll be back later this morning and we’ll go for coffee and breakfast at that buffet place toward the desert base that you like so good. I’ll call them this morning and tell them we’re coming. I’ll pick you up at 7, OK?” 

Kara just shook her head knowing she’d been lied to about Lucy’s impending whereabouts. She suspected the woman was headed to Alex Danvers’ apartment. Lucy Lane doesn’t allow for the people she cares about to be hurt like Kara was hurting right now. 

It was as if it was that night all over again when the comprehension that Alex had made her get away from their lives. From the life Kara had hoped to start with the one person who gave her the desire for a future on earth. 

”Call me when you’re on the way and I’ll be ready,” Kara said with a faint smile. 

Lucy caressed her cheek and said, “Go back to sleep. I’ll take care of you today.” And with that Lucy was up and gone. Kara heard Lucy’s apartment door close and sighed as she mumbled, “Today is going to be a shit show.” 

Meanwhile at the DEO, Vasquez arrived on two-wheels, tires screeching to a halt in the parking lot. She was in a full run to the entrance door. Winn had already called her to say he saw Alex walk in as if the last five years had never happened. But Vasquez had to see the woman for herself. 

Vasquez found Alex standing nearly dumbfounded where her lab had once been located. All the equipment was gone and it was an office/gathering room for Supergirl and those closest to her. 

J’onn had succumb Kara’s request to not fill the space with another bioengineer to replace Alex. Kara had transformed the space into her own headquarters with a couch, TV, and kitchenette that basically served as a mini-apartment. 

After Alex’s withdrawal, if Kara wasn’t at Lucy’s she was in this space. She spent months there when she wasn’t working. Her apartment was too lonely and reminded her of Alex at every turn. Alex’s apartment was the scene of her crime and Kara never set foot back there again. 

At first, she had kept Alex’s office space intact, but one Sunday afternoon found her, Lucy and J’onn clearing it as a way for Kara to let go of Alex at the DEO. It also was after a nasty battle with a rogue alien that nearly got a distracted Supergirl killed. 

The cleaning that day also helped J’onn come to the realization he enabled Alex to hurt Kara so devastatingly. He allowed her to leave. He gave her a new identity. He provided a new base for her to work, a new apartment to call home and a new unblemished life to start over with. 

Many nights J’onn berated himself over whether it was the right thing to do. He knew that day Alex pleaded with him to find a new place for her that she was devastated by Maggie’s death. He thought she just needed a change of scenery and wasn’t going to run away from everything in her life, including him. He had been wrong. 

It wasn’t until two weeks after her retreat that he learned Alex and Kara had taken that final step in their relationship. It was expected, but for Alex to run afterward, J’onn held himself responsible for Kara’s emotional demise. So as her adoptive father, J’onn denied nothing to Kara because anything to make her happy etched away a splinter of his guilt over allowing Alex to leave. 

”So as I live and breathe, it really is Alex Danvers in the flesh,” Vasquez said which caused Alex to turn and face her. Vasquez thought the dirty blonde hair was a nice touch because it gave Alex a younger, more innocent look. But staring into those hazel eyes and stepping closer, Vasquez noticed the lines imprinted around the elder Danvers’ eyes and a scar on her neck that was unmistakable for a knife slash, but it was inches to the left of her carotid artery so not even close to being fatal, but nasty looking nonetheless. 

”You know me, I’m like a bad penny, I always turn up,” Alex said, staring at Vasquez while she was blinking. 

”Why are you here, now?” Vasquez asked. 

Smirking, Alex took two steps to the left and surveyed photographs of Kara, Lucy, Winn and Vasquez on the desk Kara used for writing Catco stories when she was in her office there, “Funny, everyone keeps asking me that question. I take it no one is happy to see my smiling face. Not that I’m shocked. But at least pretend. Ask me how I’m doing. What’s with the hair or something polite,” Alex said sarcastically. 

”Cut the shit, Alex. You know exactly what you’re doing and we all know this is not a cordial visit to see some old friends or your sister. You left us five years ago and never looked back until now. So, we have to be suspicious as to what gives,” Vasquez unsympathetically said, never allowing her eyes to move off the nervous body in front of her. “You know Kara will find out you are here.” 

Alex lied and said, “I don’t care if she knows. I’m here for me, not her.” 

This new person was not fashioned out of the Alex Danvers that Vasquez knew. She’s not anything like the Alex Danvers she once knew who was reckless enough to save everyone she loved especially Kara. The person who carried a fire in her eyes for life and love of those close to her. 

This Alex Danvers carries herself like all the attention in the room should be bestowed on her; her swagger is deeper because she lies so much she doesn’t know the truth anymore; she is lonely and good but that’s buried so deep that no light shines there; and she’s learned to use her uncanny beauty to get what she wants, when she wants it. Deserving. Expected. 

Siding up next to Vasquez, Alex’s breath grazes Susan’s right ear when she says, “This is my life and I will fight anyone who says I don’t deserve to be here anymore. This all used to be mine.” 

Alex then walks out of the concrete space, turning left toward the sparing rooms and R&D labs. Vasquez doesn’t move at first, shocked at the brazen attitude that her friend displayed. Gathering her wits, Vasquez fishes her cellphone out of her pocket and calls her leader, J’onn, he’ll be able to tell her if this really is Alex Danvers. 

Picking up on the second ring, J’onn suspects Alex has arrived at the DEO because he’s come to trust Vasquez like he did Alex. She doesn’t command the field like Alex did, but her control inside the command center is unrivaled because she did learn from the best. 

”Sir, I’m sorry to bother you now, and I know it’s early, but Alex Danvers is at the DEO,” Vasquez a little too quickly. 

Taking a deep breath, J’onn said, “I figured as much. I saw her last night. It’s her and she’s got no ulterior motives, I’ve already checked. Show her to the lab and office area on the D Wing and I’m on my way in now.” 

Utterly shocked, Vasquez looked at the screen of her cellphone after the call disconnected. He knew this whole time. Then an epiphany: J’onn likely knew where Alex has been and why she up and abandoned everyone, Vasquez thought to herself. Her stress level just escalated a thousand times because she knew Kara would have to be told the elder Danvers was back at the DEO, back in National City. Vasquez turned on her heels and went to fetch Alex to take her to the new laboratory area J’onn had mentioned, thankfully it was on the other side of the building away from Kara’s special place. 

Lucy Lane had stormed into the side door of the DEO as if she was a cadet at West Point again, determined to win a challenge. Sprinting into the command center, Lucy sees Winn and barks, “Where. Is. She?” 

Only two humans truly scared Winn, and unfortunately for him, both were in the same building today. All he could do was point toward Kara’s office and Lucy was running down that hallway. 

Lucy met Alex and Vasquez in the hallway, walking silently toward the D wing entrance. Lucy had called Winn and demanded he track Alex’s movements in the large secret government building, much of which was underground in the city. 

”Alex Fucking Danvers, what the hell are you doing back here now?” Lucy yelled, her adrenaline pouncing in her veins like ping pong balls at a daycare thrown by toddlers. It was a fight and Lucy Lane never backed down. Hands to her sides, her back was rigid, her eyes trained like a sniper on her target. 

”Nice to see you again too, Lucy. I’m glad everyone got the memo to ask the same fucking question of me,” Alex scoffed at the woman she once considered a close friend and confidant. Sensing Lucy’s body language, Alex straightened herself to appear taller over the smaller woman. 

But Alex never expected the hard-right hook that Lucy landed on her face. She stumbled back a step and grabbed her chin adjusting her jaw from the stinging punch. 

”Well, Lane, I’ll give you this one, but next time I’m not playing nice. I’m only amiable now because you’ve taken such good care of Kara since I was gone,” Alex said and Lucy lunged at her fist pounding into Alex’s face. The women brawled there in the hallway for only a few seconds before other agents arrived and separated them in the tussle. 

”This is not over, Danvers and YOU, you never mention her name unless I allow it,” Lucy shouted as a tall male agent basically held her at the stomach, not allowing her feet to touch the ground. Alex readjusted her shirt and glared at Lucy before she said, “I look forward to seeing you again and give Kara my regards.” 

Vasquez pushed Alex toward her new lab space, and when Lucy was finally released, she headed straight to J’onn’s office. She would not allow Alex Danvers to return to the DEO, if she had her will today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine. Thank you for reading. I'm leaving town for a bit, so as time permits at my conference I'll write the next chapter. Please be patience.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Alex and Kara come face to face with each other at the DEO, what happens?

Alex moped around the new office space, touching some new equipment and thinking to herself and wondering what was she doing. It was only about five hours later before she struck out to see what else had changed in National City. She’d had enough of the DEO. 

That night, Alex collapsed on her couch with a bottle of beer and her favorite Chinese takeout in her lap. “What a day,” she said aloud to the empty apartment. It was quaint and with her belongings, it felt larger than her old place. She gave J’onn props for maintaining the space for her and not knowing for sure if she would ever return. She would have to properly thank him later, maybe a gift would do. He had been her rock while she was gone. The only voice of home she allowed. He knew all her battles and how she had changed to adapt to her new surroundings and life. He also knew the things she did that wasn’t good for her. How she almost stopped fighting, trying. She was never alright. Then or now. 

She hadn’t seen Kara yet and if she were honest with herself she wasn’t sure she was ready to see the youngest Danvers. Alex was shocked that none of her friends or those she once considered family were happy to see her return. No one. But then again, she couldn’t really blame them because of the way she left things. Her self-destruction ever present, Alex thought of ways to leave, exit without a reason because they had no idea what it was like for her. 

The pain of Maggie’s death. The demise of a promised life with one stray bullet. Alex was so tired, then and now. She had wanted to give up so many times, but Kara kept her going in those days. Then, when they crossed the line Alex had jackhammered into the sand, Alex knew she had to leave, her fear of sinking into the bliss. 

That night still haunted her. Her dreams were so vivid and often she woke thinking she was still there: 

Alex remembered thinking as she lay on Kara’s chest watching some romantic comedy the blonde had selected that she felt at home listening to her alien’s heartbeat. She felt at peace. Maggie rarely held her in that position, instead, it was always Alex holding her detective, which was fine for their relationship. 

Alex wondered why the blonde always sacrificed her life for Alex’s when the younger woman could have the world, but here she was on Alex’s dull couch watching a movie holding her alleged sister. So, Alex asked, “Why do you stay here with me when you should be out enjoying life?” 

Without a beat, Kara whispered, “You are my life.” And Alex felt Kara’s nails scrape at the base of her head. 

Realization and desired flushed Alex’s brain simultaneously. She loved Kara the same way she loved Maggie. Alex always had. They had never spoken about that kind of love between them, but everything pointed to it and Alex finally saw what had been right in front of her this whole time. Her whole life if she was honest. 

Alex also thought that Kara had to be so much stronger than her to bury this love and watch as she loved Maggie and planned to pledge her life and eternity to Maggie. Alex would never measure up to that kind of devotion. Alex had never measured up to Kara in her mother’s eyes and Alex always remembered that. 

But in that moment on the couch, Alex’s body responded to Kara’s touch and before she knew what she was doing, Alex had kissed Kara slowly, gently. Before long, she’d straddled Kara and the night’s events were set into motion. Alex remembered how Kara’s kiss tasted of the wine they shared with dinner, even though Kara would never feel any of the effects she still drank a glass for Alex. 

Alex never drank that particular wine again, although it was her favorite. She had bought a bottle tonight, but hid it in the cabinet, not trusting herself to indulge. Though cocaine had become her drug of choice as this new unfamiliar person, she still had a taste for that wine. And the alien she associated with it. 

Tonight, Alex craved the hundreds of nights she had sought shelter with a stranger rather than face Kara tomorrow, which she suspected would happen. It was like pouring that wine on the flame, there was no way to disguise that Kara did not come to the DEO today out of necessity, but not for Alex’s presence. Tomorrow would be a day of reckoning for the Danver sisters, unlike any other, Alex thought. She slumped back into her old couch. Dread setting in. Questions about if she was making the right decisions by returning filled Alex’s head. Sleep would not be coming any time soon for Alex. 

Winn held his smile as Alex strode into the DEO that very next morning, but Vasquez didn’t hold the same sentiment and her face shone like a beacon in the night. She was disappointed in the blonde Alex Danvers before her. 

“You have never had a poker face, Susan,” Alex said as she passed the senior agent staring at the fellow agent’s brazen actions of returning for a second day against all odds of being welcomed into the family she once knew. 

Alex had a little extra pep in her step, she didn’t know if it was from the cocaine in her blood from a corner dealer she discovered in the early morning hours, or the knowledge she’d likely see Kara today. Alex knew her crutch kept her steady while she was gone and now she needed that strong boost of something that had been missing. She had a baggie in her pocket for later. It was the only way she was going to get through the wrath she expected from the one person who mattered most to her. 

She never expected the people perched in her new office, waiting for her and ready to bring down the wrath of the Gods like when Olympus crashed and burned. 

”Dear God that blonde hair does not suit you, Alexandra,” Eliza said to a stunned Alex who never expected her mother and J’onn to be camped in the chairs of her new office and lab. “Where have you been, could you not have dropped your mother a card to say ‘I’m ok?’ Instead I had to pester J’onn about updates every week, and why have you decided to return to National City now?” Eliza added to her first statement. 

Taken aback by her mother’s presence and questions, Alex balked and walked to her new makeshift desk to drop her backpack, her internal armor coming to the forefront, Alex then turned to J’onn to loudly say her thoughts, “WHY IS SHE HERE?” 

It was one thing to disappoint the love her life by leaving Kara abruptly five years ago, but to have her mom here chiding her for those actions was too much for Alex. She never expected Eliza to show up and question her. Alex had thought about her often. How Eliza and Kara probably bashed Alex for running but never did she expect this woman to question her like this now. Was Alex’s mom taking Kara’s side against her own flesh and blood? Alex thought. 

”Well, hello to you too mother,” Alex said sarcastically as if she had not missed a beat that her mom would no doubt be disappointed in her now too. 

”Oh Alex,” Eliza said moving methodically to her daughter’s side taking her face in her hands. “How are you? Where have you been? You do look worse for wear?” 

Eliza wanted to say, how dare you leave your sister when all I ever asked was you protect her, but she didn’t. She didn’t want to push the woman standing before her, who was essentially a stranger. 

Kara was like a daughter to Eliza. In addition to their bond as Kara grew up under her roof, they had bonded over long talks about Alex after the disappearing act. Kara eventually, unwillingly, gave Eliza the whole story about how Alex deserted her after their one night together. Surprisingly, Eliza was not critical or questioning of their relationship, but instead, she held hope that her daughter would quickly return after being scared of her feelings for her foster sister. 

”May we sit and talk?” Eliza asked and motioned to the chairs before the women. 

”Sure,” Alex said and plopped down unceremoniously. She braced herself for the scolding she was about to receive from her mother who always held Kara like a God among the mere humans. 

But it never came, instead, Eliza taking Alex’s hand asked, “Are you ok? I’ve worried so much about you since you left. J’onn assured me that you were OK, but still, it’s good to lay eyes on you and see for myself that you are in fact OK.” 

Alex sighed. Her mom had deflated every bit of fight in her. 

”Alex, I only wanted you to be loved and happy. Even now, that you’ve changed, I want you to love and be happy.” Eliza said. 

Tears quelled in Alex’s eyes as she took in the words her mother spoke, she wasn’t prepared for this acceptance after all the hate, she wasn’t prepared for this love. 

”Thanks, mom,” Alex said struggling to reel her emotions into some sort of semblance of professionalism in her office. 

But the hug Eliza pulled her into, flabbergasted any control Alex Danvers had at that moment. So, she cried. And cried. And cried. 

For the first time since waking up alone in a cold bed where she had confessed, at least physically, her love for her alien, Alex Danvers cried like the moon and stars had crashed to earth. 

And of course, knowing Alex Danvers’ luck, Kara walked into her new office at the moment those sobs escaped her mouth with her mother held her tightly and reassured her everything would be ok with time. 

Timing was everything and Alex Danvers had none apparently. 

Blue eyes met hazel and the world melted away a bit even though their mother was standing there. 

Alex was the first to speak and she asked Eliza to give them a minute alone. J’onn nodded as he had brought Kara to the office where he knew his “girls” needed to talk. Not to mention clear the air of any brewing fights between Alex and Lucy, Vasquez, or any others who thought Supergirl didn’t deserve such treatment by someone who allegedly loved her, but left her. 

J’onn didn’t know that Cat Grant had schooled Kara on the features she was using now to astound Alex into believing she didn’t care one way or another if they actually talked about her return or not. Cat Grant had spent the last few hours making sure her girl didn’t just rush in allowing Alex to return to her normal self. There would be some vengeance for such hurt. Lucy Lane had also been involved and told Kara that what she and Alex had was not love, because Alex threw it all away. 

Cat Grant knew instantly when Kara walked into work the morning before today, after a long breakfast with Lucy that something was desperately wrong with her superhero. Knowing how much Kara/Supergirl cared for her “foster sister” lead Cat to believe that such woman had actually risen from the dead. And her affirmations were confirmed after certain questions to her blonde superhero, who broke down, sobbing, breaking Cat’s rule of no crying in the office. 

So to prepare her surrogate daughter, Cat Grant knew she couldn’t ignore the return of Alex Danvers and began to address Kara as such. She brought up every “what if” possible with Alex. She grilled Kara on her reactions. Hours later when Kara walked out of Cat Grant’s office, she was prepared for every possible answer and reaction from Alex Danvers. That next morning, Kara strode into the DEO with her head held high and the possibilities endless, she thought. 

Until Kara stood face to face with the woman who had held the most power over her than any other being in the world. She was not lost in finding the one person she most desired. Her heart was breaking and healing in one ache. 

Alex, on the other hand, thought she might faint with just the sight of her alien standing there, back straight, face emotionless, no fear detected at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for errors ahead of time. I wrote this on the plane ride back home today.  
> Any feedback is appreciated.  
> Thank you!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kara are face to face along with J'onn and Eliza. Feelings and feelings ensue. I promise the angst will end soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one.  
> As always, all the mistakes are mine and I own none of these find characters.

Taking a step forward, Alex openly took a deep breath and invited Kara in to take a chair in the office. 

But Kara, schooled in her features, declined to sit. She knew this was not her Alex Danvers. 

Choosing to stand gave Kara an unfair advantage, but Alex accommodated her alien. 

Alex also felt like Kara saw right through her. The fear, trepidation of being this close and not reaching out to comfort her, Alex thought was evident. 

But Lucy had schooled Kara on her features and then Cat had reaffirmed all that training the day before. 

Kara shuttered at how many people hated Alex right now and wanted to damage her for hurting the Kyrptonian. Kara appreciated their concern, but she also dreaded it because she could and would always forgive Alex. She forgave everyone. Even though the life she thought they’d have was gone. 

Kara drifted out of the moment and to Lucy and what would her handler think now. 

Alex noticed her alien was gone, likely thinking of someone else, she thought. It was the first time Alex considered that maybe Kara had moved on, unlike she had been able to do. This was all a waste of time, Alex thought, and considered she’d never hold the place of honor she once had. She decided she was ready to stop this dance. Maybe they could at least be cordial to each other now they were in the same city, same DEO. 

”Kara, thanks for stopping by and seeing me, but I think we should talk another time,” Alex said, holding all semblance of normalcy tightly while her voice full of emotions betrayed her. 

Taking pity, ”OK,” was all Kara could reply, knowing the encounter was over. She backed out of the office and turned on her heels and left. She never expected to interrupt Alex and Eliza’s emotional reunion. Of, course Eliza would welcome Alex back, Kara thought. 

However, Kara mentally high-fived herself for laying eyes on Alex Danvers - the ghost that haunted her – and surviving without any emotion being shone. That was an accomplishment to some degree, she thought. 

But none of it was not enough for Lucy Lane, when she heard that the Danvers sisters had not even spoken. She wanted answers. For Kara. For J’onn. For herself and everyone Alex left in her wake of departure. 

In reality, Lucy Lane was still joshing for a chance to beat Alex into a pulp and knew her skills were more than capable after she had smelled fresh blood on the elder Danvers during their first skirmish. She suspected Alex was severely injured, but that the stubborn Danvers pushed on to avoid dealing with such injuries. Her suspicions were confirmed when Alex sought treatment at the infirmary the first day she had returned to the DEO. 

Lucy had everyone at the DEO on her side. All were turned against Alex, even those who had once pledged an undying alliance to the agent. Since her return, Lucy learned that Alex’s injuries nearly killed her and if she didn’t tend to them, they still might. Lucy was torn with the thoughts to allow Alex to die from them or allow the medical staff to continue to treat her with the ambrosia that would heal her quickly unlike any other cure. It might actually make her stronger, which had happened in the past. 

Lucy, who loved Kara, gave the nodded to medical to treat Alex Danvers, but she would continue to monitor her progress. She also requested Alex’s file, the unredacted version, from J’onn. Looking at the dark questioning eyes, he relented and asked that she keep everything contained in it confidential. Not even Kara would know what Alex Danvers had been through as Beth Pearce, J’onn sternly warned Lucy before handing over the file that was only as thick as a junk magazine mailed to entice someone to visit a new city. 

Lucy had no idea where Alex Danvers had been or what she had been through until she got a glimpse of her file as Pearce, a transfer from the West Coast to the DEO bases of New York City and D.C. 

Multiple injuries were not only the glaring issues Lucy noticed immediately, but the near-death wish Alex had when she first went away. She had single-handedly battled aliens that were she based in National City it would have demanded a team effort with Supergirl. Alex took on the creatures to protect these new cities that she had no ties to other than they were a hideout from her real life. 

Lucy also noted that Alex’s superiors mentioned she was devoted to her job like no other. Lucy shook her head, floors above the elder Danvers, who now was answering to her mother after witnessing the exchange between her daughters. 

“Mom, I’m sorry. To you and to Kara,” Alex said after Kara had left the new office and her mother had reenter. 

”Oh honey, trust me, I forgive you,” Eliza Danvers said and took her into a loving embrace. “We will survive this like we have so many other things.” 

The mother and daughter continued their reacquaintance over dinner after J’onn suggested they get out of the dreary facility. Alex welcomed the change of scenery because now all she could picture was Kara standing in her office. The younger woman’s lack of emotion and no attempt to reconcile anything made Alex question why she had returned. 

What Alex didn’t realize was that Kara had spent days learning about behavior, compartmentalizing emotion, and preparing for that moment when they did meet face to face again. 

”So, Alex, I must ask, and if you cannot answer I understand that as well, but why return to National City now?” Eliza said her voice soft, cautious. 

Inhaling deeply and stretching her torso until the stitches pulled providing some pain, which Alex considered she deserved, she looked her mother in the eyes and said, “It was an impulsive decision after a long damn day.” 

It was the first truth Alex had set free in such a long time that she felt some weight lift. It also was the complete truth for a change. She was so tired of lying, of the deception she’d grown accustomed to in the life as Beth Pearce. 

Taking a sip of wine, she took another deep breath and said, “It was also time. I nearly died last week. Well, to be honest, which I haven’t done in a really long time, I’ve nearly died multiple times in the last five years, but this time was different.” 

Her mother’s eyes widened, but then Eliza schooled her features back to be welcoming. She knew her daughter’s work was dangerous, but she liked to forgo the thoughts of possible death and attacks by aliens that were only out to kill. 

”I woke up in medical and my partner, Dana, said all I kept repeating was Kara’s name,” Alex said and took a much longer fuller drink of her wine, finishing the third glass that they’d had with their Italian meal. “I was patched up as much as I’d allow the doctors. Then I went to a bar, drank a lot, fought some with the patrons and made the split-second decision to come back here.” 

Smiling, and proud of herself that she’d actually shared that part of herself with another living human being, she felt lighter and said, “So here I am.” 

Alex failed to mentioned how many people she probably left disappointed in her sudden departure from the NYC and DC areas, Dana first and foremost. She thought that maybe she could get J’onn to offer him a transfer because he was the best backup Alex had ever had besides Supergirl. Not to mention, he had heard her cry and complain about losing the love her life so many times he would tell the story as if it was his own, even though it wasn’t the whole truth. 

Taking a deep breath and planning her response, so as to not spook her daughter, the one who loved to box up her emotions and run on a moment’s notice, Eliza said, “Oh honey, I’m sorry you’ve been through so much alone and that you felt you couldn’t come to me or anyone for that matter. I’m glad and feel blessed you trust me enough now to tell the truth of what happened. I only wished you could have done this sooner and avoided so much heartbreak.” 

Of course, that’s what Eliza would say, Alex thought. So, I wouldn’t break Kara’s heart, she heard herself in her thoughts. 

Immediately, recognizing disappointment, Eliza adjusted herself and said, “Alex, no one is perfect. I know it’s not easy to admit that, but you’ve had so much loss in your life that none of us ever expected you to be the one to run like this. To be the cause of such loss for those people who love you more than themselves. I only want you to recognize what happened and reconcile it with those people who mean the most.” 

Eliza felt good about her statement and smiled slightly. 

”You mean, you want me to apologize to Kara and fix things between us now,” Alex said coldly, sternly. She knew her mother didn’t understand her heart, the heartbreak she’d suffered before she left Kara and afterwards. This was not a simple family storm to calm, it was a hurricane that had ripped them apart and there was not Band-Aid to patch things up, Alex thought. If she could fly, Alex thought she’d probably just fly away from all of it and start over yet again. 

But could she really do that to Kara again. To J’onn and everyone else who appeared to hate her so deliberately, Alex thought. The seconds stretching into minutes while she looked at the woman before her who knew her as a child/teenager last. Eliza didn’t know her, really know who she had become to protect Kara and the rest of civilization from vicious aliens and those who sought to harm the aliens that never cared to hurt a living soul. This was not the time nor the place, so Alex decided it was time for the evening to end. 

”Mother, I’m exhausted from today’s events. I think it’s best for us to continue this another day. I’ll have the restaurant to call you a cab if you’d like. But I must be on my way,” Alex said and thought internally that she handled the moment with such grace. She had to because at least Eliza held no judgement when she first saw her. She held her little girl and allowed her to just cry. Alex had to give Eliza some credit for giving her such shelter when her heartbreak was cutting her like a razor. That stood for something, Alex thought. 

The women parted ways at the door of the little restaurant. Both promising that time and distance would not separate them. Eliza making Alex promise to such. But Alex was not so sure of the promise. For Alex, everything depended on the next meeting with Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kara come face to face and talk. Is anything solved though?

She had spent hours pacing in her living room. Then she took to the streets. Pacing. 

Before she registered where she was, her restless feet had carried her to the front entrance of the one building she never planned to be outside of at this hour, let alone standing there looking up contemplating going inside. 

It was now or never, she thought. She sighed and had come to terms with it. There was no turning around. 

Just then a tall, thin man walked out of the building and she took two steps at a time up the stoop to get to the quickly closing entrance door of the building. It clicked behind her and she stopped. Reality was setting in. She paced in the lobby. Thankfully no one was around at this hour. She paced for another 45 minutes before stepping onto the elevator. Standing there looking at all the floor numbers she sighed and thought, which was scarier: the ride up or the ride down. 

Her finger hovered over the button that would take her to the floor where she would encounter that face who had haunted her for the last five years. Taking a deep calming breath, she shyly touched the button and it immediately lit up. 

The elevator dinged. She stepped off. Barely clearing the closing doors behind her. 

She paced the hallway. With each lap in front of the elevator doors, her feet carried her closer and closer to the one apartment door that held the person with all the answers to her predicament. 

With the new morning sun rising, peering through the dark clouds outside the building, she drew all her inner strength and gently knocked on the door. 

Deep breaths in, deeper breaths out. She waited. She should turn and run, escape unnoticed. She rubbed her sweaty hands on her jeans and turned to leave, but the chain scraped the door, locks twisted open and the large door slowly opened enough to show apartment owner. She was alert and awake, but still dressed for bed. 

”Kara,” Alex said as if she’d been sucker punched. 

”Alex,” Kara replied looking the older woman in the directly in the eyes for the first time. She heard how quickly Alex’s heartbeat sped up and the rush of blood through her veins. The eyes were the same, but her face had changed with miniscule age lines around her eyes and mouth. 

”We need to talk and I deserve answers,” Kara said, her face suddenly void of emotions. “May I come in?” 

Alex stood back, opening the door wider and Kara stepped through the threshold into this new foreign apartment. She noticed all of Alex’s things were inside this place. She wondered how that was possible, but filed that question away for a later date. Now was not that time. 

”So” both women said in unison, which cut some of the tension in the room. 

”Do you want some coffee, juice or something?” Alex asked knowing that at this hour she needed some caffeine. She had been up for a good hour thinking about this moment and wondering when it would happen. She never imagined Kara would be the one to force the situation to occur. 

Some things had really changed, Alex thought and smirked while she studied Kara as the younger woman looked around the apartment. But Alex’s face fell when she really looked at the woman before her. 

Her little sister wasn’t that same kid she had last seen. Her face looked older, though Alex knew it was physically impossible for Kara to age at the human rate that Alex was sure she was going at light years thanks to her drug/alcohol use/abuse and beatings her body had suffered. 

No, Alex realized that Kara had matured. She wasn’t the same innocent woman she’d left that night. Then a realization hit Alex, the old Kara would have never marched into this apartment at 5:21 a.m. wanting answers and insistent they face each other to explain their predicament. 

So much had changed, Alex thought. But yet so much was the same, like the crinkle on Kara’s forehead. The biting at her bottom lip. 

”No, I’m not thirsty,” Kara said. 

The seconds seemed to stretch into minutes and there they were mere feet apart looking at each other. Time had not stopped and neither had they. Strangers really. But something familiar was around them, and they were back where they began or left off. Sisters. Best friends. One time lovers. 

“I couldn’t be the person you expected me to be,” Alex said speaking first and solemnly looking into those blue eyes before her eyes darted down to the floor. Ashamed. “I couldn’t be your biggest disappointment on earth. Being with me and loving me in that way, it would all just be hurt for you. I wasn’t good for anyone, especially you. I couldn’t do that to you.” 

Kara’s eyes stung as she tried to blink away tears at the truth she had waited patiently to hear. She cursed herself at the emotion. She was stronger than this. She had played this moment over in her mind so many times, but the script she had rehearsed during those instants was gone. 

Then finding her voice, Kara started, “The taste of your kiss soaked in that wine we had with dinner, the gentle touch of your hands everywhere, the unique scent of you, and the sound of your heart beating in harmony with mine when we were together, one, are what I held on to all these years,” Kara said straining to get it out. 

“I’ve forgotten all the bad, the hurt of your retreat and the years of despair hoping to find you. I really wish you believed you deserved me then and actually now, too, because I’ve missed you,” Kara said as a plea. Her stomach trembling like never before. “I wish you could believe you are worth it. For me. For you. You always have been for me.” 

”I left you alone. All alone in this cold, vicious world when all I was ever meant to do was protect you. I ran like a coward. I don’t deserve anything from you,” Alex said the last sentence a near whisper. 

”Alex, you were devastated by Maggie’s death, and I was so selfish to finally get what I had always dreamed of and wanted. I didn’t stop you that night when I knew it would end badly. We both are to blame,” Kara said. ”Everything I’ve seen, done, experienced in these last five years were all just waiting until you returned. I knew you would come back to me.”. 

“My heart is broken. My whole body has ached at disappointing you then and even now,” Alex said running her hands through her short blonde hair. “I’ve done some terrible things, not just to you, but to myself and to everyone that I’ve met since that night.” 

“I tried so desperately to forget, to disappear and leave you and your memories, but nothing worked,” Alex said and she took a step forward. They were in the same room, but it felt like worlds apart. 

Holding her hand up, Kara said, “Alex I can’t allow you to touch me right now.” 

”Fair enough,” Alex said nodding and motioning to her couch. 

The women sat on opposite ends of the sofa, but both turned toward each other. Alex’s bloodshot eyes darted over Kara’s entire body. Kara stared at Alex’s face and glanced at her twitching hands and joggling foot that was crossed over her other leg. 

”That night was everything I thought I needed, but in reality it was just the beginning. I needed you, Alex. For you to stay, fight through the pain of Maggie’s death. Fight for yourself. Fight for me. For us, whatever us there could be,” Kara said calmly. Her senses honed in on Alex and she noted the woman was on the verge of running again. 

“I wish I knew how to stop loving you. To unknow you and how it felt to love you, all of you,” Kara said. “But I don’t. I’ll never be over you. And I’ll never be able to survive if we don’t sort this out now. All I’ve ever wanted was to be with you. Only you. Anyway. Anywhere. No matter what. I never got an explanation of what happened, where you went or why,” Kara said, defeat coming through her voice. 

Looking up to the ceiling and blinking away the tears that threatened to fall, Alex took a deep breath, rubbed her hands up and down her thighs and then started: 

”I woke up alone. The sheets were cold. I didn’t know how long it had been or where you were, but I figured you had realized being with me was such a mistake, a disappointment. So, I got up, packed a bag and left,” Alex said shaking her head at the memories. 

”Don’t be mad at him, but I had spoken to J’onn a couple weeks before about starting over somewhere new. A place without so many reminders of Maggie. A place where the hurt wouldn’t be so overwhelmingly crushing at every street corner. He said I shouldn’t run, but I had convinced him that I would go and then you could join me. We could be anyone new somewhere else. I knew you would argue at first, but that you would come. Follow me,” Alex said. 

”But then we slept together and everything changed. It was the most amazing night I’ve ever had, but waking up alone I recognized what a fuck up I really was and to use the one person who meant the most to me as a way to forget that pain and loneliness. That should have never been you. Kara, you were my endgame, I realized that after our night together, but I used you,” Alex said her voice wavering. “I wasn’t the person I was before Maggie’s death. I’m still not. And I don’t think I ever will be the same. I lie. I cheat. I am self-destructive. I’m broken.” 

”Oh Alex, no one would expect you to be that person. But we can start over. Rewrite this ending. You were hurt, but you have always been the toughest person I know. We all get scared,” Kara said scooting a bit closer to Alex. “I miss you. I wish you’d given me a chance to explain, instead of running without looking back.” 

”I went out to save a baby being held hostage by a crazy man with a gun. Then a drunk alien started a fight at Five Points and he was not an easy containment, but when I finished with him. I came back and you were gone. I went to your apartment. I went to the DEO and I couldn’t find you. I called J’onn and he said you had to go. That you would be back in a couple of days,” Kara said, emotion taking hold of her, she started picking at the same rip in the couch just like she’d done so many years ago. “I waited. I begged J’onn for more details and I waited some more. But you never came back. I went out searching for you. Flying patterns over the city, listening for your heartbeat. But I found nothing. I kept searching. Different cities. Halfway across the country. Then J’onn finally told me that you didn’t want to be found. I was devastated.” 

”I didn’t understand why you would leave me,” Kara said straining her voice to get the last part out. “You were my world. I wanted to die. I actually tried to kill myself, but nothing worked. And J’onn immediately locked up all Kryptonite and forbid me from working for a while because he knew I had a death wish.” 

”It soon turned into a dream. Was I really with you that night? Were you ever really here to begin with? I lost all semblance of control. Lucy and J’onn with a little help from Winn and Eliza are the only reasons I survived and came out on the other side,” Kara said. “I don’t tell you any of that to make you feel worse, but to say I was hurting too. I still am. But I would have never left you like that.” 

Feeling her anger building, Kara stood. “Maybe this was wrong, me coming here now. This is going nowhere I wanted.” She knew if she continued she’d curse Alex for leaving and all the built-up anger would gush. That was not what she wanted. She thought she’d dealt with all this, but she really hadn’t. This was not how she wanted to treat Alex. She saw through what Alex was saying and recognized the elder Danvers was just as hurt as the day she left. 

Kara was standing at Alex’s door before Alex realized she had moved. Standing, her eyes pleading for Kara to stay, Alex said, “Kara, I understand I was terribly wrong and I’m not worth any of your time, but I’d like another chance.” 

Kara nodded and said, “I’ll be in touch. I need some time to process all this, everything you’ve said, all the feelings I’m having and the things I’ve said. Think about that. I’m not giving up on you Alex Danvers. I’m not giving up on us. I can’t stay or I’ll be tempted to say things I will regret. This hurt is too deep for me still today.” 

”I only want what you can give me,” Alex said, a plea in her voice. “And I don’t deserve any of it, but whatever you will offer, I’ll take.” 

”Ok.” Kara said before stepping into the hallway. 

At super speed Kara took the stairs down to the street and alleyway. She had to get away. She soared so high that she had to stop from going too far into outer space. 

Alex had collapsed back onto her couch for a few moments before she retrieved the whiskey from her freezer and didn’t bother getting a glass. She dug out a bag from yesterday’s pants pocket and settled back on her couch. She wouldn’t be leaving her apartment today, so she fired off a text to J’onn saying she had things to take care of today. 

Kara allowed herself to fall back to earth and went to the DEO to wait in her special space, eating every piece of food she had stored there. She sent two identical text messages asking for more food or else they wouldn’t be allowed inside her office today. 

At least they had talked, Kara and Alex each thought separately but together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is sticking with this story. I've never written one of those before and I completely understand how it writes itself sometimes now. Please let me know what you think. I'll continue on. Our girls are on the road, but how quickly will they get there?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Alex and Kara being face-to-face. What does Lucy say to their encounter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for taking a moment between this and the last chapter. The story stalled in my head until I got stuck momentarily in traffic coming home from work. Long story, but I knew where this would pick back up. I'm nearly finished with the next chapter, so expect another update soon. It's late, so I have to go for now. I will return soon. Please leave comments below.   
> As always, all mistakes are mine. I'm sorry for those now.   
> I own nothing, but my ideas of how to change the world with love. I'm up more nights than not worrying about these things.   
> Let's set the world on fire with our compassion and love for one another. As a lesbian, it scares me how easily people can hate others who even appear a bit different, let alone think very differently.   
> Ok, enough about that. Read and comment below. Thanks, guys!

She wanted an apology 

Kara wanted Alex to atone for the hurt she had caused in her wake. 

A true apology, but she really didn’t know what that looked like. 

She wanted her to find the right words and promises that she’d learned her lesson and never allow such pain into their lives again. 

Kara also didn’t want Alex to just give up and she knew they could make it through this. 

But how to explain this to the one person who never faltered her when Alex actually did? Kara thought. Straightforward and to the point. 

”So, I went and saw Alex this morning,” Kara said as she stuffed scrambled eggs and a long piece of bacon into her mouth inside Lucy Lane’s apartment. The smaller woman had just cooked a breakfast fit for a Kryptonian queen, which she considered Kara. 

Lucy demanded Kara to come over after the text Kara had sent about bringing her more food to her office at the DEO. So here was Kara sitting at a kitchen bar side by side with Lucy Lane, her best friend, confidant and so much more. 

Lucy’s fork dropped to her own plate. She steadied herself and her breathing before she said, “What did you just say?” 

“I saw Alex this morning and we talked,” Kara said before stuffing some French toast into her mouth, along with more bacon. 

Lucy just quirked her eyebrow and waited. She knew Kara better than anyone, but for Alex, so she knew her Supergirl would spill the details eventually. She would just wait. The silent treatment worked well with Kara. 

After several minutes of uncomfortable silence for Kara, she decided she’d tell the one person who meant more than Alex to her what had happened. So, she started and she didn’t end until nearly two hours later. Kara also told Lucy how she wanted a true, sincere apology from Alex. 

”What did you and Alex speak about?” Lucy said cautiously handing more scrambled eggs to Kara and bringing the conversation back to where she knew it would be productive with Kara. 

“She told me why she left, but it wasn’t enough, you know,” Kara said wondering if Lucy really knew what that felt like. 

”She said she panicked that night and I know she was truthful,” Kara said, careful not to reveal too much from their early morning exchange. 

Lucy and Kara conversed for a while, but they never really solved anything about what happened between Kara and Alex nor how Kara felt after talking to Alex. 

However, Lucy took in all the information Kara shared with her, and filed it away for later, but she also noted that Alex would pay for this and everything she had done to Kara. One way or another. During a lull in the conversation, Lucy imaged 21 different (read: extremely painful torturous) ways to impress her disappointment into the one and only Alex Danvers. 

It would be an attack. Lucy knew she would see Alex at the DEO soon, and she knew, now, that Alex is vulnerable emotionally. She already knew the elder Danvers was physically incapacitated, but now Lucy Lane has her revenge planned for her former best friend. 

Alex wouldn’t make an appearance at the DEO on this day. Instead, she chose to spend the day drunk and high. It was easier to deal with the disappointment this way. She didn’t have to see Kara’s face falter like this. Alex knew it wasn’t easier for anyone but her, however she chose this way to deal with her encounter. 

That night across town, Alex was wasted and she didn’t reach out to anyone. She held herself and kept every light on in her new apartment when the darkness cloaked the city for the night. She reasoned that every light on in her house was for Kara, to see the glow that she was there. It made sense in her wasted mind. 

But for Kara, she understood and heard the song from miles away: “When someone stops loving you. You’ve still got to button up your collared shirt, the one she used to button down. . . . You’ve still got to keep her number in your phone, in case she calls back one night when she’s drunk and all alone,” Kara said perfectly to Lucy in the dark of the night. 

Alex continued to sing along with the song, across town as she collapsed on her couch: “You can’t fit a camel through the eye of a needle.” 

Just then the sky reacted appropriately and flashed as it should over National City when a severe thunderstorm rarely brewed. Neither woman moved from their respective positions. The sounds of rain pounding the windows outside her apartment and Lucy’s heartbeat under her right ear eased Kara into a relaxed state, while Alex snored loudly, passed out thanks to an alcohol and cocaine cocktail. She’d never told anyone about her addictions, but she knew they understood and gave her room to indulge then and even now. But they were much worse than anyone but Alex knew about. 

Kara knew about them when they developed early in Alex’s college career because she heard the change in Alex’s heartbeat and breathing, but back then she wasn’t in a position to question anything. She knew it continued mildly, but she felt she had no right to question because Alex always reeled herself back to reality after a weekend binge. But that was all before Maggie. 

But ironically, Alex was wrong, no one was indulging her, she was really just alone this night. Her best friend didn’t stick up for her now. Nothing would shine or burn for her, just a cruel memory from times when the stars came out just for her. Or so she thought before she passed out. 

*** 

It was a new day in National City. Alex Danvers was waking up in her old bed with a nasty hangover and desperate need for a morning boost, while Kara Danvers woke up in her best friend’s bed with a slight emotional hangover. 

Both Danvers women didn’t know the day entailed them to be side-by-side fighting a battle that would remind both when they were each other’s only worry. That was foretelling the future, neither of which had such a power. 

Alex groaned as she rolled over to pound the alarm that woke her from a pleasant dream, while Kara groaned at the cold space left by her best friend, Lucy Lane, who had abandoned her for a shower and to cook breakfast. 

In the spacious apartment, Alex padded off to the shower to start her day. She held the water droplets closely knowing that she could not run and hide today because Kara would likely demand more explanations that Alex had ready. 

Alex decided she had to form a plan of attack for her encounter with Kara. Better to be prepared than blindsided like she had already been. Sounding like a crazy woman, she started talking to herself in the shower: “I was only trying to protect you. I wasn’t fit to have any kind of relationship with you at that moment.” Alex laughed at herself because she only didn’t believe herself, but she knew Kara wouldn’t either. 

On the other side of town, Kara was starting her day. She hopped into the shower, vacated by Lucy with the steam still warm and welcoming. “Good morning Rao,” Kara whispered when she walked out of the shower into the warm sunlight. It recharged her like no other. 

Meanwhile, Alex saw the sun rise and realized nothing of the sun belonged to her anymore because she’d spent years forgoing any daytime missions out of fear that she would steal something more from Kara. As Agent Beth Pearce, Alex chose all night time or evening missions to keep from interfering with Kara’s light. Alex also drank or snorted so much alcohol and cocaine, respectively, that any missions before noon were impossible for her to be at her best. 

Both women continued their routines, unaware they’d be called by the same man ordering them to the same location for the same purpose: Protect National City citizens. 

When Kara was called, she understood the mission immediately and was gone in less than a blink of an eye, desperate to save those depending on her the most. 

Alex, however, asked if Kara had been called and what she could provide to the mission, much to J’onn’s disgust. He never showed any signs and carried on by giving her the address and instructions. 

Even though Kara had super speed and flight on her side, Alex happened to be closer and arrived only minutes behind the superhero. It was a small crime-ridden place where an alien killing would not have been noticed by those who turned their heads to anything that wouldn’t help them make a buck or get their next high. It was a place Maggie Sawyer would have loved because she could’ve gotten lost with her investigation into the seedy underworld living in this dilapidated building. Both women paused at the thoughts of Maggie. Neither expected such memories and Kara was the first to recover. 

Alex, however, took a sidestep to literally shake her head at the feelings. Now more than ever, Alex decided if drinking and snorting cocaine didn’t kill her, the memory of Maggie Sawyer would surely suffice. 

Alex spent her time away from National City indulging in memories of Maggie and Kara during the first rays of the morning light when no one else could see her pain. For Alex, Maggie’s memory was sorrow and guilt wrapped into one because Alex was not there and able to protect Maggie from a bullet intended for another target. Not to mention the possibilities of all the firsts Maggie had promised her at one time when Alex was struggling to stay alive, caged like a wild animal. 

Blue eyes looked up to meet the stoic face of Alex Danvers asking “What do we have?” 

Just then in an abandoned elevator shaft of the crumbling building an explosion rattled everyone, but Supergirl, who in a blue and red blur flew toward the sounds. 

Before Alex could process the events, her mouth had opened and yelled for Kara to return to cover and develop a plan of attack. “Why does she always just run into danger?” Alex asked aloud shaking her head. She had forgotten about Kara’s recklessness, which was a learned trait from the one and only Alex Danvers of years ago. Alex, too, had forgotten that peculiarity until this moment. 

A frightened agent standing nearby replied, “That’s what Supergirl does, ma’am.” 

At least this agent didn’t appear to hate Alex, she thought. 

“What’s the situation? We need to give Supergirl support?” Alex said to the agent, not noticing his alarm. 

Alex learned a dead alien, gutted, was found face down in the gravel outside the building and a crazy man armed with a glowing knife was running through the building shouting in a language none of the nearby junkies understood. There was also a woman found stabbed twice in the chest. She had been sleeping in a nearby car and said the man carried a glowing sword, not a knife. 

Alex’s fears went into overdrive with the reports of a glowing weapon. Possibly Kryptonite she thought. 

Without a second thought, Alex ran into the darkened building.


	9. Chapter 9

”How was this possible?” Kara thought after seeing Alex Danvers yelling at a DEO agent standing guard in the room. The elder woman stormed by the protective barrier of the agent who was “just doing his job.” 

”It’s always on her terms,” Kara thought before she succumbed to the soothing sounds of a beeping machine and an IV full of healing medicine pumping into her. 

It took another 36 hours before Kara woke for another thought. 

But since Kara’s first thought, it had taken only four hours before Alex’s outburst about Kara’s condition forced J’onn to ban her from the med bay, and then another two hours before she was sent home and ordered not to return until she saw his face. 

It was Lucy Lane’s perfect opportunity, she thought after checking on Kara one last time and threatening the agent on guard within an inch of her life to provide the co-director updates with Kara’s vital signs every 20 minutes and to call immediately if the blonde regained consciousness. Lucy also warned the agent that if she left her post death would be a welcoming relief for the agent. 

Lucy took Alex’s old Ducati from the DEO motor pool and drove to the address where she knew she’d find her old friend. 

The unassuming building in the sketchy neighborhood took Lucy by surprise, but then again, she knew J’onn had set it all up after Alex’s departure and no one would suspect the disgraced agent living here. She gave J’onn props for hiding his hero daughter’s whereabouts after she had fallen from the pedestal to be a normal human succumbing to heartbreak. 

Picking the lock on the front door was no challenge, but the door to the apartment where Alex lived was a different story. Lucy noted it was state-of-the-art DEO issue lock, but inconspicuous looking to fit in with the neighbors’ doors. Taking a deep breath, Lucy knocked. 

Drunk, high, obviously, Alex looked up from her Netflix induced comatose stare at the TV and tested her hearing again. She wondered if she really heard a knock at the door. But then through her drugged haze she remembered Kara and her unstable state back at the DEO. 

Bolting like lightning had struck, Alex ran to the door and unlocked it immediately, swinging the door widely open. Her features were not schooled to see Lucy Lane standing there and it gave the shorter woman an advantage and boost to see the other woman stunned. 

”Are you going to invite me in Danvers or are we going to do this ugly conversation with me in your hallway?” Lucy said with her drill sergeant voice steady and stern. But without waiting for an answer, Lucy, her back stiff, walked through the open door and into the apartment. 

Alex’s face fell and she realized she was being ambushed. She also was not sober enough for this conversation. Her ability to school her features were nonexistent thanks to her daily indulgence. 

”Sure, Luce. Come on in,” Alex barked, knowing the use of her old nickname for Lucy would grate on the woman’s nerve. Alex also understood she was about to get her ass handed to her from the only other living woman, whose opinion had mattered to Alex. 

Standing in the strange apartment, but seeing all of Alex’s things scattered about gave Lucy pause. Kara wasn’t kidding when she said it seemed like life in National City had not stopped Alex’s apartment as they had thought five years ago. They never thought about Alex’s old apartment or things until seven months after her exodus, which was when Kara found it empty but for the dust bunnies that scattered when she burst through the balcony windows. 

Turning to close the door and then again to face Lucy Lane, Alex swallowed her pride and readied for what she expected was an interrogation from the toughest lawyer and hardest hitting person under the height of 5’2 that Alex knew. A smile nearly burst onto Alex’s face when she thought that Maggie was 5’2, and Maggie often reminded “Major Lane” of that fact every time the alcohol kicked in during their Game Nights, much to Alex and Kara’s amusement. 

Lucy sensed a shift in Alex’s demeanor and seized it. 

”So, do I have to beat the shit out of you, torture you until you collapse, or are you going to confess easily to me why you decided to just show up out of the blue and wreck Kara’s happy re-established life after you shattered it with your disappearing act five years ago?” Lucy said in a calm even tone as if she was asking where Alex had purchased the curtains hanging over her windows. 

”Wow, Lane, how are you too? Yeah, it’s been a while, but good to see you too.” Alex snarked back. 

Lucy smiled to herself internally. She had Alex Danvers exactly where she wanted her. But what she didn’t know was the woman standing before her was at a breaking point, and she was about to crumble before a familiar face that she had not slept with. 

Walking to the kitchen island, Alex pour herself a highball glass full of whiskey and two fingers in another glass for Lucy. Delivering the second glass to Lucy, Alex continued to the couch and plopped down unceremoniously before she looked to Lucy and said, “So are you going to join me for this or just stand there all night looking high and mighty?” 

Not expecting Alex to submit so easily, Lucy took a swig from her glass and strolled over to the nearby chair next to the couch and sat. She raised her glass toward Alex in a sort of toast and said, “Ok Danvers, spill it.” 

Four hours and 12 text messages with updates about Kara later, Lucy felt she had a better understanding of the drunken and broken Alex Danvers sitting before her. The two women had polished off the bottle Alex opened at the start of their conversation. A second one stood with a quarter gone from it on the kitchen island thanks to Alex’s moment of hysterical crying about how she ruined everything good with Kara and a moment of chugging the bottle before Lucy pulled it from her grip. 

Staring into the space before her, but not focusing on anything, Lucy took in Alex’s red, bloodshot eyes that had what appeared to be permanent darkened circles underneath. The elder Danvers had also lost about 20 pounds, which was more than she ever needed to lose, even though her muscular form persisted. 

Lucy thought to herself that Alex was more of mess now than when she had just lost Maggie and was still suffering through that loss because now she was facing up to her feelings for Kara, instead of ignoring them. Most of those close to the “Danver Sisters” knew they loved each other a little more than sisterly, but none of them dared speak of it. 

While Lucy had those thoughts, her phone rang and she knew it was the DEO with an update on Kara. “Lane,” she shouted into the phone, her drunkenness a little more evident now. 

Within seconds, Lucy was on her feet and she was out the door, leaving a stunned Alex piecing together what she heard on the phone about Kara waking up. She too grabbed her shoes and began to gather her things and race out the door. She literally ran into the back of Major Lane standing on the curb waiting on a DEO ride in front of her apartment building. 

”Do you mind of if I come along?” Alex sheepishly asked after Lucy turned toward her in disgust. 

”You can come along, but you are not permitted in the medial bay until you speak to J’onn,” Lucy retorted. 

Feeling guilty by association with Kara, Lucy said, “I’ll come find you and let you know what’s going on.” 

After hearing Alex bare her soul about loving Kara since she was a teen; burying those feelings for years; meeting Maggie and loving her so desperately; then losing her abruptly; and then turning to Kara; Lucy felt a pang of guilt for immediately judging Alex so harshly. But she also remembered how desperate Kara during those first few months. 

Kara was sitting up with two pillows behind her in the bed when Lucy walked in. Relief washed over both their faces when they looked each other in the eyes. Lucy and Kara immediately grasp each other’s hands. Lucy brushed some blonde hair from Kara’s eyes and asked how she was feeling. 

”I’ve had better days,” Kara shyly admitted as the sun lamps burned brightly around her. 

Knowing she risked herself by staying too long around the lamps, which had been enhanced for maximum recovery for their resident Kryptonian, a new development that came a few months after Alex’s leaving. Lucy touched Kara’s face and said, “I’m glad you back with us. Rest and I’ll be here when you feel up to moving more. Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Kara kissed the palm of Lucy’s hand and nodded. She laid back more under the lamps as Lucy retreated out the door. She told the guarding agent to not allow anyone but authorized personnel inside and to continue the text updates, but now make them every 30 minutes. 

Lucy trudged down the hallway toward Alex’s lab. She knew the elder Danvers would be waiting. 

Once she turned the corner, Lucy crept into the lab silently when she saw no one through the windows. She stepped inside, moved to the bathroom door and saw Alex bent over a sink, snorting. 

Rage surged through Lucy Lane. 

Before Alex could finish the line, she was knocked into the wall adjoining the sink. Taken by surprise and thinking she was under attack, Alex punched back. But Lucy’s small compact form already had her pinned to the wall and was punching toward her face, alternating with body blows. 

In her intoxicated state with worry about Kara filling her senses, Alex wasn’t able to quickly recover. In hindsight, she also thought about how she was really “home” and shouldn’t have had to be on guard in her own lab. Not to mention she still had stitches and the slowly closing bullet hole in her side healing. Her pain was a 20 on the scale of 10, even with all the intoxicants. 

Within seconds Lucy had bloodied Alex’s lip, eye and was working on breaking a couple of ribs, but Agent Alex Danvers and her survival skills kicked in and threw the smaller woman across the tiny room. Agents from all over the DEO came running upon being alerted by sensor motions that there was a commotion in that laboratory. Unbeknownst to the Agent’s surprise, the two women were circling each other in the larger open area of Alex’s lab. Both dove toward each other at exactly the same time, they were evenly matched but for Lucy’s height disadvantage. 

Alex used that to her advantage as much as possible and almost had the upper hand on Lucy, but the smaller woman used a recently learned exclusion technique and toppled Alex to the floor. Sighing, Alex was high and tired from drugs and the emotional drain, so she submitted to the smaller woman. 

Feeling the surrender, Lucy stood and stepped away from a crumpled Alex Danvers on the floor in front of her. She wiped the blood from her lip with the back of her hand and nodded to the agents standing in the door in shock and awe. “Take her to a holding cell, the comfortable one, but don’t let her out,” Lucy barked. 

Walking out, Lucy thought maybe showing the younger agents she was THE resident badass of the DEO, was a good thing for now. At least until they saw the true Alex “Badass” Danvers in the field flying with no brakes toward the danger of the day. She was the person you hung on to when shit went down and you learned she knew without having to speak how things would happened within a split-second kind of spinning moment. 

Alex “Badass” Danvers also was the fun agent you wanted to grab a beer with after a crazy mission. But Lucy would never admit that, especially after her relationship with Kara intensified when the mentioned badass left so suddenly. Lucy didn’t miss the older agents shaking their heads at Alex laying on the floor, spitting blood and wincing as she pushed herself up with one hand. The other hurting from a sprain or break, neither Lucy or Alex cared to inspect closer until the doctors examined Alex the next day. 

The agents hauled Alex Danvers up off the floor and gingerly carried her, one under each arm, to the holding cell with a bathroom and bed. Alex just collapsed on the bed, not caring about anything at the moment, but the violent pain in her side that throbbed with each heartbeat. 

Lucy felt better than she had in five years after her ass-whooping of Alex Danvers in what Lucy deemed was defending Kara’s honor. Lucy waltzed to Kara’s room to check on her Kryptonian. 

Kara set up straighter against the pillows when she saw the small dark-haired woman walking into her room. She noted the higher than normal heartbeat, the blood pooled in Lucy’s corner lip, and the blood at her hairline cut. Kara was observant, even when she had nearly died. 

”So are you going to tell me which alien you beat to get in here or what got you so caught up that you sauntered in here so soon after battle,” Kara said nonchalantly. 

”Well, if you must ask and demand so soon after waking up from recovering from you beating the shit out of our latest alien illegal host, I just beat the shit out of your sister, then I had her hauled off to holding here at the DEO, to stew on this bucket list of achievements she’s accumulating by returning,” Lucy smirked toward Kara. 

Kara, knowing Lucy and Alex, just smirked at the latest revelation and took Lucy’s hand to examine the knuckles for bruises and cuts. She kissed both hands before Lucy left to be checked by the on-call doctor. Though itching to get out and see Alex again, Kara was forced to spend another night under the sunbed lights. 

Before the night was over though, Kara also summoned Alex Danvers to her med bay for a “consultation.” The alien wanted to see how much Alex was worse for wear after her encounter with Lucy. She also wanted to gauge Alex’s mental state for herself. 

Sheepishly walking in to the room, Alex looked around, seeing only Vasquez “guarding” Kara while she slept as part of her “recovery.” Alex made a motion to turn around and retreat, but the death grip from Vasquez on her arm told her to wait and rouse the Kryptonian, no matter the cost. 

Taking a deep breath, Alex touched Kara’s arm to wake her. 

Startled, Kara turned her head toward Alex and said, “Hi.” 

”Hey you,” Alex shyly replied.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a big day . . .

With her hands reaching for the elder Danvers, Kara took a bruised and bloody hand into her hand. She studied it, nervously, knowing that the small Lucy Lane had likely caused the bruises that held blood under the skin of Alex’s hands. Not to mention the cut above her eye, the bruise over her left cheek, and the nasty discoloration forming on her throat that was for sure marks left by small hands around her throat during the battle. 

Alex wasn’t proud of any of these marks, but she barred them all for Kara to see as she stood before for the stronger woman. She knew Lucy had likely already shared battle tales about how the two women fought in her lab earlier in the day. Alex knew Lucy got the better of her during this encounter and she was not one to shy away when she had been bested. She would still wear her scars with pride, the bruises like a second battle call for the opponent to return for a rematch. 

Alex also knew Lucy wouldn’t let her hurt Kara deeply so with just a few bruises and banged up body parts. She expected Lucy to return seeking blood, broken bones and if not, death, close to it for Kara’s hurt. Alex knew this wasn’t over with Lucy. But the women had started this “dance of hurt,” now and Alex just had to plan for the next attack. 

As the Danvers’ sisters took each other in, they each never expected their mother to storm into the medical bay, gasping at their sights. 

”Alex, Kara” Eliza Danvers said. Her voice sounding like it reverberated from a rock. Steady. Strong. Both women knew the elder woman carried so much, but to be one more boulder added to her pack they both felt guilty and the despair from it. 

”You know you both have given me more gray hairs than this life is worth,” Eliza said trying to break the ice she felt she walked in on between them. 

Eliza set about making her alien daughter comfortable while cataloging injuries to the woman she’d given birth to years ago. It was tacit, Eliza had learned years ago when the two women were teens and would spend their time “flying against house rules,” and doing whatever they could to grate on Eliza’s last nerve during those trying times after Jeremiah, or so she thought. 

But both women just shrugged and stared at each other. Alex took in the way Kara stared at her. Both lost in their own thoughts. 

Eliza noted that Kara looked at Alex and thought she was seeing a ghost every time the woman moved or shifted. Eliza also noticed that it was not “sisterly” the way both women looked at each other. But they both also winced at each other like the other could die and neither would mind. Eliza knew that was all bullshit and readied herself for the impending calls and visits about the revelations that would eventually happen once they knew and recognized their love. 

Kara knew Alex was real, but still, she felt as if this woman before her had been resurrected from the dead. Kara had spent too many 4 AM.s looking in the mirror wondering if she had really heard Alex’s heartbeat or if it was another ghost. Lucy brought her down from most of those hyped up encounters before she chased a random man down Aisle 4 of the local grocery store. 

It was actually what had Kara and Lucy to bond. The women didn’t know it was a loaded gun, so to speak at the time, but they spent many middle of the night emotional breakdowns holding each other. Kara for what she had lost and longed for from the time she was a teen dropped on this earth like a lost puppy. Lucy as a young woman who met Alex under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” as a new recruit and one who peaked her interest, but she never acted on it. 

Lucy didn’t mention during her epic therapy session with Alex the night that Kara was injured that Kara had turned to her during the darkest time in her life. That Lucy had replaced Alex in every way 18 months after the woman’s parting. That was a secret Kara and Lucy weren’t willing to share with anyone in the world. They chalked it up to being left by the woman they each, in different ways, loved the most. 

It happened at 2 a.m. one particularly difficult night of missing Alex, both women came together. Chanting how they wished Alex was better, how they didn’t miss her, and how they might each love her had she not gone missing. One woman as a lover, an admirer from afar, but the other confessed her deepest secrets of her “adopted, foster” sister that she had held for years after being a 15-year-old thrown into a home with the one and only, Alex Danvers. 

After mental exhaustion that night, they collapsed and realized they had both wanted the same thing. 

Figuring it was inevitable, Kara kissed Lucy. And Lucy returned the kiss, tenfold. It was more than Kara had ever bargained for, but she didn’t shy away. 

It was a helluva scene the way both women clawed at each other. Both on their knees begging the other to forgive and submit equally. 

And that’s how Kara and Lucy got together, a year or so after Alex vanished on both of them. J’onn knew the moment both women walked into the DEO that following Monday and he shuttered at the thoughts being forced toward him. 

He immediately called to check on his new Agent Pearce on the East Coast. Only to learn she had been nearly fatally injured by a frigid ice stream and her unfortunate attempt to catch an alien while being held in the lethally frigid stream under the ice, breathing from a tiny air pocket between the water and ice for about 20 minutes. A feat few humans had survived. Her team had rescued her, were shocked at her being alive, let alone surviving the mission later in the week. 

Hyperthermia had worn off of “Agent Pearce,” but she wasn’t like most women, or agents, and she fought to make herself unlike anyone else on the East Coast. So, she was already jacking to return to work. The local director was saying another two weeks, but J’onn overrode that order and asked that she return to duty in a week. It was not without much discussion, but if the infamous Hank Henshaw was saying the woman was ready for duty then she was ready. No. Questions. Were. Asked. Her fellow agents deeply respected her, her superiors wondered if she weren’t some sort of alien or a human with a death wish, and local aliens knew this DEO agent had nothing to lose, so they proceeded with caution and word spread quickly in the community. 

But across the country, Kara buzzed with Lucy and the two women fed off each other’s euphoria. It was all J’onn could do to contain them, let alone wrestle with the thoughts they projected. 

Finally deciding what was best, J’onn took his second-in-command, Lucy Lane, a previous Major in the Judge Advocate General's Corps, United States Army, aside to tell her to cool her jets with Kara Danvers, also known as Supergirl. 

Shocked at the revelation, Lucy just nodded during the entire conversation. She didn’t know what she had done wrong but for love her friend. Both were consenting adults. 

Lucy retreated to D.C. “on business” she told Kara. But it was typical to give the younger woman space after their brief encounters. She loved Kara. She also loved Alex. It was no secret she could have loved Alex in the same way. She had crushed on Alex from the first time she saw her until she set her free from the plot to send her to Cadmus. Kara aided and abetted during that incident. But it was Alex who held Lucy’s attention. 

Lucy never meant to supplement one “Danvers Sister” for another but when the opportunity presented she didn’t turn it down. She loved both women equally. However, she was overly protective of Kara. The younger woman deserved it, needed it. And when Alex left, Lucy vowed to be everything Kara needed, no matter what that might be. 

Lucy never thought beyond that and never questioned any decision Kara made that was positive. So, when the two women kissed, she didn’t stop or blink because Kara kept whispering she needed Lucy, she wanted Lucy, she loved Lucy and had to have her in that moment. 

Later, Kara sat with a bed sheet draped over her saying she wasn’t sorry for their activities and she hoped Lucy wasn’t either. Kara was so much more mature and grown than when Alex had been here. Kara continued her to whisper such pleas about not being regretful each night the women were drawn to each other. They continued for a couple months before Kara decided she wasn’t the one to lead Lucy to the “good life.” 

Her self-imposed celibacy was no consolation for Lucy, but she understood and didn’t push Kara. Lucy took any part of Kara that she was willing to offer. And for the next couple of years that was enough. They weren’t intimate, but they went through the motions of every other gesture of being committed to each other. Neither spoke about the itch the other scratched with a random one-night stand. Those were frequent and never mentioned. 

For Lucy and equally Kara, they were the most important person for the other one, but Kara couldn’t allow Lucy to be classified as her girlfriend or lover after the Alex fiasco. She’d never trust herself to be that close again. Everyone was kept at arm’s length. 

Now both Kara and Lucy stared down Eliza Danvers, who was ready to be momma bear to take Kara home. The younger woman was ready to be released from the DEO and to return to duty following the weekend. 

Alex had been nowhere to be found, but both women thought it was because of a cautious warning from J’onn. 

Alex was barred from any DEO activities until she got her treatment plan together, which included AA and NA meetings with appropriate sponsors approved by J’onn or Lucy along with random tests and other restrictions. J’onn approved every person with a background, but Lucy wanted to meet each person and test their resolve. She knew Alex Danvers would need someone who wouldn’t succumb to her recklessness and familiar story of her life. Lucy approved only one person out of about 20 applicants. She knew Alex would live or die by this and the person had to be the right one for the job. She also knew Alex would set the world on fire as a sober person and that person needed to be able to handle such actions and talk the elder Danvers from doing such destructive actions during middle of the night phone calls or texts. It was a catch-all for the person because Alex would hit all the favorite sins before this support was completed, and Lucy knew that, which is why she chose the woman, Crystal Stanley, a long-time junkie who had hit all the highlights that Alex would think to wreck during her strived sobriety. 

It took all of 20 hours into Alex Danvers’ sobriety before Crystal was tested. The brunette tested the woman in way she’d never imagined. The slightly elder woman had never imagined her husband and two sons would be a challenge to a one Alex Danvers. 

”Life will let you down, sometimes the only way to get by is to get high,” Crystal said holding out a pipe to one Alex Danvers in the elder Danvers apartment. But she was not a slave to such pipes. Had it been a line of cocaine, Alex would’ve been ready and willing to jump in, but she didn’t have any experience so she declined. It was the first test she’d pass that Crystal had for her, but Alex never thought about this demure woman imposing such tests. 

Neither woman thought about how love could go to hell between them or for them. It was only months later they considered the concept. 

Alex never really thought about anyone in making that decision, but the next day she felt good about it. She let her imagination run wild for a minute about making the right choice. She didn’t realize she’d be sad because she was thinking about making the decision she hadn’t planned. 

All of these decisions were made with Eliza peering over her shoulder. Alex’s mother hadn’t left National City. Eliza wanted to make sure her girls were good, but she also hindered her girls from having the talk they desperately needed in the dark. Eliza’s plane hadn’t even landed before Alex was texting Kara.


	11. Chapter 11

”Hi,” Alex texted to Kara when she thought the coast was clear. 

It had only been two hours since Eliza had left the Danvers’ sister respectively. But Alex had waited for so long. She couldn’t handle another five minutes. 

”What are you doing?” Alex texted to Kara after a long internal debate. She and Crystal had spoken at length about Alex and Kara having some time to talk and sort their issues out. At the same time Alex had texted Kara the “Hi”, she had also texted Crystal that she was texted the superhero – though Crystal was none the wiser about the super abilities. For her knowledge, the women were foster sisters that had a complicated relationship and history, one of which was a sore spot of Alex Danvers and her drug triggers. 

Kara had just finished extinguishing an apartment fire, Supergirl’s work was never done, when she saw Alex’s text. She replied quickly that she was working, but finishing up and she would be free momentarily. 

”Hi,” Kara texted back. “Putting out fires today, literally, what about you?” 

So calm and so cool Alex thought and tried to be the same as she picked up the phone to reply. But as she stared at the screen, a witty response never came. It took four minutes before she just replied, “Thinking of you. I’d like to talk. Real. Talk.” 

Taking a deep breath, Alex realized she’d put herself out there. To Kara. She fidgeted with anything that wasn’t tied down around her as the three little bubbles continued to populate on her phone to show Kara was text back. They went away, then came back and then nothing. 

Alex panicked for a moment before the text came through. 

”Ok. Name the time and place,” was all Kara said. After all that time, she volleyed the ball back into Alex’s court. Alex smirked. Well played, Alex thought to herself about Kara’s text. 

”7 today at the park down from your place, bench near the pond,” Alex texted back. She took a deep breath. It was a gamble to meet at the place always did as “sisters.” She held her breath while the three little dots appeared, disappeared and then appeared as Kara replied. 

”Sure. See you then,” was all Kara texted. Alex sighed and released the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Alex had four hours until their meeting. She fidgeted. What would she do between now and then? 

Alex texted Crystal. She said she was seeing Kara and asked what should she say when they meet face-to-face. Alex knew she’d get drunk or high without any help, so she sought out help from Crystal. 

The four hours pass quickly with Alex texting Crystal every self-deprecating way she could to dog herself of this meeting. 

Leaving 45 minutes before 7 p.m., Alex got to the park early. Really early. But she knew Kara would be early too. How would they navigate their new relationship, both women wondered from entire points of view and miles apart. 

Sure enough, Alex spotted Kara out of the corner of her eye, it was 15 minutes till 7. Both women were about 100 yards outside of the designated meeting place. Alex was sure Kara knew she was there, so she marched over to her. 

”Hey, I figured you’d be early, looks like I won that bet with myself,” Alex said trying to lighten the mood, though Kara’s face was stern and full of concentration. 

But upon hearing Alex’s voice, Kara’s face softened and then she was nervous and rambling: “Yeah, I thought I’d come scout the place out. You never know what kind of person is down here. I mean they found that one shooter guy here on that very bench, a few months ago, or was it a year ago. I digress, but he was here. Just waiting for the police to take him in. He had been on a crime spree. I’m rambling. I’m sorry.” 

Kara just stopped and clamped her hand over her mouth. 

Smiling and laughing like she did years ago, Alex just shook her head and took Kara’s elbow to lead her to the bench they agreed to meet at. Taking a deep breath, Alex thought this would be so much easier if she’d had just a couple of those thin white lines, but Crystal’s words rang through her head, ‘You won’t be trying if you are high. It will never be enough and you’ll miss something if you do just one line. Trust me.’ 

A silence fell over both women as they sat on the cold concrete bench. Both stared out ahead toward the pond where the ducks, geese swam and fought with Koi fish for crumbs thrown by visitors. 

A few minutes into their silence, Kara realized that Alex was just being. She listened to the elder Danvers heartbeat and she didn’t hear the erratic movements. She sighed, maybe a bit too loudly, at the thought that she wasn’t high for a change. 

”That was a big, loud sigh,” Alex said noting the emotion and trying to break the ice between them. 

”Yeah, well, that’s not a complaint, just glad you are yourself for a change when we are meeting,” Kara said, hoping Alex understood the meaning. 

But, of course, Kara wasn’t so lucky. 

”What do you mean that I’m myself for a change when we are together,” Alex asked, eyebrow raised. 

”Ok, I guess we are doing this,” Kara said and rubbed her hands over her thighs as if her palms sweated, which they didn’t. 

”I mean you aren’t high for a change,” Kara said and looked Alex directly in the eye. 

Shrinking back into herself, Alex realized she never hid anything from Kara, even though she thought she had hidden everything. “I never realized you knew that part of me. I’m sorry,” Alex said and grabbed the back of her neck and rubbed it with her right hand. 

”Alex, there’s not much you can hide from me but for yourself for the last five years, which you did perfectly,” Kara said and her head cocked to the side. “You care to explain how you did that and more importantly, why?” 

Alex mentally took a step back. She thought, Kara wasn’t pulling any punches tonight, which she couldn’t blame her, but she thought they may work up to that considering their last in-depth conversation. 

Taking a deep breath, realizing she either had to be one of two Alex Danvers’ at the moment: the confident one in charge or the one where complicated shit happened and she responded. Alex took the preceding one and smirked at Kara the way she did when her and Maggie debated certain things. She could do this. She loved Kara more than any other person in the world. She was taking her life back, running this show and taking her life back. 

Kara noticed the glint in Alex’s eyes and how her shoulders straightened not to mention the strong steady way her voice spoke. Her Alex was back. She melted inside. 

”As I previously said, I didn’t feel worthy to having you. I caved in a moment of weakness, but really I knew since we were kids that it all was leading up to that moment,” Alex said her voice and eyes clear for a change. “I was supposed to protect you at all costs, not allow you to see how you are the most important person in the world to me. I’ve spent so many nights thinking and praying to the stars that I could show you my love, just once. And then when it happened, I couldn’t handle that look in your eyes. Right before I fell asleep, you looked at me like you were ready to hand over your heart wrapped in a bow. I couldn’t handle that.” 

Alex looked to the sky and focusing on a ragged tree branch jutting out over them with a small sparrow sitting there above them. Fighting back tears that she hadn’t willed not to fall in a couple years. But here with Kara sitting just inches from her, the tears wouldn’t stop. Alex laughed at herself and all the situations she’d been in but she couldn’t stop an errant tear from escaping her left eye during this time. 

For her part Kara just glanced at Alex and then out to the ducks and geese swimming in front of them on the pond. She knew this was heartbreaking for a sober Alex and she was desperately grateful for the moment, but she wouldn’t push the elder Danvers. She wouldn’t make the woman stop and miss the opportunity to hear the sober Alex tell her what happened. 

”And now, how do you feel?” Kara said tentatively, know too much would drive Alex away, possibly forever. Kara’s heart pounded in her chest and she remembered only ever feeling it bounce in her ribcage twice before with the two women who meant the most to her in this life. She peeked a listen to Alex’s heartbeat and heard the same. Closing her eyes, she listened to the sounds of the city and then they melted away as she searched for the other heartbeat that meant something to her life, soon, she found it and it was calm and soothing. Lucy was likely watching television or reading for her heart rate to be so calm. Kara smiled without realizing it and the entire motion took only seconds. 

So Alex thought the smile was spurred by something she had said or done, so she asked. “What’s the smile for?” 

Without missing a beat, because Kara was a master of juggling or multitasking so much in her life, she looked Alex in the eye and said, “I’m glad you aren’t lying to me for a change and I appreciate you really being committed to trying to heal us. You are sober and truthful.” Kara smiled and the world stopped for Alex. 

”So we can do this?” Alex asked her voice so hopeful for the first time in years. 

Kara returned the smile and cupped the older woman’s face with her hand and said, “Yes, let’s try.” 

”Am I interrupting?” a voice came from above the two Danvers’ sisters sitting on the rough concrete bench near the pond a block from Noonan’s. Both looked surprised and shocked at the voice that broke their trance. They hadn’t heard anyone come up behind them, Kara especially and she kicked herself for turning off her super senses and leaving them so vulnerable. Alex automatically reached for her gun on her back, but felt embarrassed and relieved when her eyes met the dark eyes she knew almost as well as Kara’s. 

Seeing Lucy Lane, co-director of the DEO, Alex was relaxed even more than she was before, but Kara stiffened more, not knowing how this scenario would play out before her. She had never imagined her only two lovers meeting and discussing their common interest in her, if that was even a thing. Kara giggled at herself because she knew hard asses Lucy Lane and Alex Danvers were not the type of women to giggle in general, but in her mind, they would giggle. Kara looked up at the women and they stared sternly at each other, however, there were no giggles to be had. 

Taking the situation in, Kara’s face fell. Both women noticed and realized something shifted in the air between them all, especially with Kara. They both asked in unison, “Kara, are you OK?” 

The question and unison each made the women take a step back, metaphorically, and stare at the other. Kara just giggled as she watched the scene unfold around her. It was happening, but it didn’t involve giggles at least those that came from Lucy and Alex. But Kara, she couldn’t stop giggling. 

And so she laughed. Kara belly laughed. 

Lucy and Alex both raised their dominate eyebrow. Both looking sexy as ever with those eyebrows raised. But Kara couldn’t really comprehend either. So, she continued to laugh. And laugh. 

It took about 15 minutes before Kara she gained control of herself and her giddiness. 

Looking between the two women, Kara realized her laughter never translated to her two observers and then she became self-conscious, went deadly silent and stopped moving completely. Which eventually worried Alex because Kara stopped breathing. She didn’t really need to breath, but the outward expression eased her human family’s concerns early on so she did it with regularity. That symbol of not breathing worried Alex more than any other movements. 

Kara soon realizing her foul, began to breathe again, and then laughed again. Lucy and Alex only stared at her. 

Neither woman mentioned the incident, but Lucy said, “I should get back to the DEO. I only stepped out for coffee,” and she motioned to the coffee in her hand. But Alex and Kara each knew there was a ruse behind Lucy’s mention of getting coffee before heading back to work. 

No one said another word. Lucy walked away. Kara stood and turned to Alex, but she was already walking down the sidewalk. The spell was broken and Kara was deflated that she’d get any more answers tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for this taking so long. As many of you know inspiration comes and goes and has to strike at the right time for our characters. I've already started the next chapter so hopefully, it won't be so long for our girls.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the writer's block and pause. Here are two chapters for your consideration.

It had been weeks since their encounter at duckpond, but Kara hadn’t stopped thinking about it. 

What would Kara tell Alex about Lucy. What would she tell Lucy about Alex? She had seen the piercing look in Lucy’s eyes when she studied Kara and Kara knew that meant Lucy was about to lose her shit over the Superhero. It was only a matter of time. But how should Kara approach her? Lucy had been so shut off to her in recent weeks. She hadn’t even sparred with her. Instead, sending in new recruits to test the superhero, which really wasn’t a test at all. None of them could stand up to Kara or Supergirl. 

It only meant Lucy was formulating a plan for her and Alex. 

It had been enough. 

Actually, Kara decided she had had enough. So, in all her Supergirl glory, she marched into Lucy Lane’s office. It had been three weeks and six days since the pond incident granted that Lucy had been in Washington, D.C. for two weeks. Alex also had been unavailable for those three weeks as well. J’onn had only mentioned that Alex was not reachable during that time. 

Unbeknownst, to Kara that Alex had been receiving intense sober classes to keep her on the straight and narrow now that everyone knew her weaknesses involved little white lines and her tendencies to sabotage her feelings. They knew what to watch out for even better and Crystal was ever so grateful. But she had yet to meet this Kara that kept coming up in with her time talking Alex off a ledge and down from the mountain that was denial, among others. 

But Lucy. She didn’t have a reason to run to D.C., as much, or at least Kara didn’t know of one that she could claim right away. 

So when the younger Lane returned from her recent visit to the capital, Kara was waiting nearby. Surprised, but not really, Lucy motioned Kara into the apartment when she saw Supergirl standing on the balcony. 

”Care to say what’s on your mind?” Lucy said without really acknowledging that Kara had been stalking her. Lucy continued to unpack her suitcase without looking up at the superhero who beckoned her attention with just a bat of her eyelash. 

”What, I missed my best friend and can’t come to see her,” Kara said innocently batting her eyelashes and cringed internally when she realized how she sounded. She knew she was being fake, but she couldn’t stop herself. 

Rolling her eyes in the way only she could do, Major Lucy Lane tried to bring Kara back into check with her actions. She then turned and said, “You could come see me anytime in D.C., and you have before, so I’m not going to consider your last statement. It’s only what 15 minutes for you to fly there? Anytime you want?” 

Both women stood silently while Lucy continued to unpack. 

Kara fiddled with her fingers. Not thinking about the pure white V-neck T-shirt, Lucy slipped into after she slid her deep blue uniform off her small frame and onto the hangers to keep the creases for another day. Kara also tried not to look as Lucy pulled on some light gray sweatpants that hung in all the right places with that T-shirt. She also knew the smaller woman forwent any underwear to be comfortable inside her own home now. Kara blushed at the thought. 

Flopping down on her couch, Lucy arched her eyebrow and asked Kara, “Care to join me and talk about whatever is bothering you?” 

Sighing loudly, knowing that Kara didn’t have to say a word, but instead, she scooted down next the smaller woman. They each fell into a secret silence. They each cherished their time together and the strength they drew from each other when these times allowed them to indulge. 

Propping her head on the smaller woman’s shoulder, Kara knew she wouldn’t cry now when she explained her situation with Alex. And so, hours later, her eyes were dry, but emotional when she had finished her story about how Alex had left her this last time. 

Sighing heavier than Kara did when she sat down, Lucy did such and turned to look at her young blue-eyed charge. In a dream, the tables were turned in such a different way and Lucy never had to explain this destructive life to her innocent Kara. But here she was today. Here they both were. Sitting on this couch. 

The sun was too bright streaming in through her windows, Kara’s eyes were too blue, full of constellations and oceans to escape for those searching for more. But Lucy knew her name was not on the tip of the tongue that mattered. It was not her face that made those eyes so stormy and she was not the beautiful girl that lived in the memories of the woman who had an image stuck in her head of perfection. 

”So, you and Alex need to just sit down and talk, I don’t suspect it will kill either one of you to sit across from each other and talk?” Lucy boldly said before Kara could even imagine the words. Kara recovered quickly, but Lucy still caught the surprise in her eyes. 

”We aren’t even close at the moment, considering she’s been off somewhere J’onn sent her,” Kara said without even thinking. 

Lucy knew she had the upper hand and seized the moment, “Well, she’s only getting better for herself, and eventually you, if she’s not a fool. So, don’t fault her for being away. She’s got a serious problem with some serious stuff. Very serious stuff, Kara. You and I both know that and we can’t stop her from doing those things, and we must do everything to help her overcome them,” Lucy said as if she realized in that moment that anything Alex does also help her, not just Kara. 

Blush and stuttering, Lucy moved to the other side of the couch from Kara and then decided she should get up and find some water, her throat suddenly dry and constricted. They haven’t really talked since the last incident. What would Lucy say now? What would Kara tell her that changes everything? 

Knowing both questions, Kara also got up and took Lucy’s elbow gently. Causing the smaller woman to turn and look up at her with piercing green eyes. 

Oh, where they’d be in any other circumstances, both women simultaneously thought. But they aren’t and they were dealt such cards. 

Kara blushed and looked down to Lucy’s fiddling hands with a bottle of water. Placing her hands over the smaller woman’s, she looked into those fierce eyes and drew a breath she didn’t need. 

”You know as well as I do that Alex has been off doing her self-help stuff, and you, Ms. Lane, have been running from both of us, especially me,” Kara said and stepped into Lucy’s personal space. Taking the smaller woman by surprise, her breath hitched in her throat and she stopped breathing altogether for a moment being so close to Kara. Neither woman expected such a result, but they were pleasantly surprised at the reaction. Kara’s heartbeat sped to those unmeasurable in this universe. Though she suspected J’onn could and would make a note of it, as he always did in her life. 

But the encounter still didn’t account for Alex. 

Lucy seemed to take notice of this first and foremost. 

”So, are you just hanging around waiting for Alex to return?” Lucy asked an eyebrow arched to the sky as she asked Kara the question she already knew the answer. 

”I’m waiting for her to be ready for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m putting you to the side,” Kara said quietly. She took a step forward, but Lucy didn’t move. 

Taking more steps forward, Kara inched forward to Lucy. They were face to face soon. 

Capturing Lucy’s lips with hers, Kara didn’t stop and the couple continued to kiss until breathing became an issue for Lucy. Then, they broke away from each other, breathless. 

Searching eyes from Kara and Lucy, both wondering from each other if the other were making promises the other couldn’t hope to keep. 

Kara looked down at Lucy holding on to her waist and realized that she couldn’t wait for any test because this woman was the purest thing since sliced bread and any test she could wait for would mean that it was likely positive, no matter the results because Kara was that type of woman that you wait on and for. 

Lucy looked up at Kara and deeply sighed. She knew they were ready for a ride, but it all depended on Alex Danvers.


	13. Chapter 13

All the pretty girls always said they were here for other reasons, but Lucy Lane knew better when she looked at Kara and Alex Danvers glancing at each other while they were inside the DEO and thought no one else paid them any attention. 

The Major had been around the block a time or two, and seen all those streets where the pretty girls’ eyes laid on them, so when the underlings of those who would be around were quoting her the reasons why they only needed one moment together, or a strategic move for Supergirl missions. She knew, they were only saying things to make themselves look good and not for the true protection of Supergirl. It was an easy drunk dial so to speak these days. 

”We were striking the matches down to the ashes, setting the world on fire,” Kara said before she turned her head and passionately kissed Lucy Lane. “I was something to see, but I still believed in my dreams.” Though they still had their nights, while Alex Danvers rested just across town. Lucy knew an expiration date was on their love. It was only a matter of time before their bitter end. Even though Kara lifted her every time like a loving cup. Sometimes twice. But it was too much and not enough for Lucy when Kara left her alone, and she went crazy thinking about the other Danvers sister, the redheaded stranger, who had spent her halftime getting ready for them. Both of them. 

That one had been gone just long enough for Kara to start her years of not paying attention to anyone’s orders. It was a night when Alex had assisted in the Com with the mission and Lucy and Kara had their asses handed them to them, so when they walked into the headquarters for debriefing Lucy lost herself in the stability of Kara being safe, when Alex corrected her on a minor detail of the mission. 

”Given a second chance, you would have done it that way, even though Kara would have immensely suffered until the second strike team arrived?” Lucy said questioning Alex with her head slightly tilted, eyebrow raised in the way Maggie Sawyer would have done back in the day. Alex noted all the body language changes and couldn’t do anymore than look to Kara, who was standing with her Supergirl uniform singed on her shoulders behind the smaller woman. All the women understood the debt on the table, but refused to pay it. Lucy looked to her friend, Susan, to not give up on these missions when she was relying every detail to Susan. And she never failed. White knuckled and answering questions waking the neighbors to everyone else when SuperGirl needed it, Susan was always there for Lucy and Supergirl. Susan nodded her head above her shoulders as a sign to Lucy to not give up on this one. So, Lucy straightened her shoulders and stood taller than she imagined she could ever, and faced Alex Danvers as she questioned her for the hundredth time about why they had done a particular thing on such a mission. “So, Alex, what do you have to say?” Lucy questioned. Squaring herself toward Lucy and not backing down from the question, Alex shrugged and said, “I didn’t think it was necessary to put Supergirl in that kind of danger.” Kara stepped forward, placing her body between Lucy and Alex and nodded, “Alex had I not swooped in, a couple hundred people would be dead right now, not just the one NCPD is measuring now.” Alex’s head bowed and agreed. “Kara, I just worry about you still,” she said mutely. If not for Kara’s super hearing, she wouldn’t have heard the words. Both women eyed each other for a moment. Alex turned and left first. She went home and grabbed the first thing she’d been clinging to lately when it came to Kara – a beat up book. Edges frayed. Insides worn, faded from fingers reading, praying over the words as if the moment they spoke them would make the world better. Kara turned on her heel and left the room. She sought the dark-haired beauty who had held her more nights than not. The one who said, “Baby, I’m crying and hurting too, and nothing else is working so just stay with me. Maybe we both can make this work, between us.”


End file.
